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Younger&OlderMen - GYO - Gay Younger Older - Gay Age Gap

2018.12.30 04:56 Dadshole Younger&OlderMen - GYO - Gay Younger Older - Gay Age Gap

Younger & Older Men is about Gay Older Men & Younger Men, Gay Age Gap Together. Intergenerational Gay Men; Life, Love & Relationships
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2018.08.24 15:48 headShrinker GYOCouplesPics is now GYO Pics, GYO is Pictures of Old & Young Men Together

GYOCouplesPics is Now GYOPics Please go to /GYOPics
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2012.01.02 23:10 shakedown_st self improvement for forever alones

FAImprovement is a subreddit for individuals who want to improve their social skills, interpersonal relationships, and all around well-being.
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2020.11.26 14:14 OldmanRevived I saw five movies (Hillbilly Elegy, Let Him Go, Buddy Games, Happiest Season, Uncle Frank)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
First up was Hillbilly Elegy
When it was published in 2016, J.D. Vance's memoir "Hillbilly Elegy," unread by me, was slammed by many for indulging in the same hackneyed stereotypes about rural America that it was theoretically designed to deflate, and for reducing the impact of social, political and economic factors in order to favor a more inspirational narrative of triumphing. In this story, a young man, attending Yale Law School, returns to his hometown in Ohio to help his mother, who recently overdosed on heroin. While that story plays, the man's past, as well as flashes from a more distant past, reveals itself, showing us what it was like for him as a child, living amidst economic uncertainty and various unaddressed conflicts within his family.
Indeed, there are at least a few broader stories in the background of Vance's personal account. One of them is what happened to the family's native spot in the Appalachia region of Kentucky, once prospering with the jobs and industry of a local steel mill but later, by the time he is aware of it, filled with boarded-up storefronts, as people linger on streets, sidewalks, and parking lots with nothing to do. This juxtaposes the family's return home with their initial migration to Ohio. The mill was running back then, when J.D.'s grandparents packed up the car and moved.
The other broader tale belongs to the family, beyond adult J.D. (Gabriel Basso) and his younger self (played by Owen Asztalos). In the present, J.D. is looking for an internship at a law firm that will keep him close to his girlfriend Usha (Freida Pinto). While dining with prospective law partners, he receives a call from his sister Lindsay (Haley Bennett), who inform him that their mother Bev (Amy Adams) overdosed. He returns home and tries to arrange a place for Bev in a rehab facility, all while he has a job interview the next morning.
In the past, J.D. had to deal with the mercurial moods of his mother, while seeking support and attention from his grandmother, affectionately called Mamaw (Glenn Close). We see the start and decline of Bev's addiction; she's a parasite, an addict, a narcissist, and a desperate user of others, notably her own family. J.D. foots the bill for a week-long stay on four credit cards, only to learn that Bev has no interest in going into rehab. As a former nurse who trashed her career when she roller-skated through the corridors of a hospital after popping pills, she's been shooting heroin, and she seems to be going down fast.
How did J.D. go all the way from Middletown to Yale? We're not entirely sure, though we know that he got there, so there’s not much suspense about whether he figured out how to transcend his past. The film keeps flashing back to his days as a teenager in the late 1990s. J.D., it's suggested, gets lost because his mother flees from one man to the next. When she marries on a whim, he winds up with a druggie delinquent stepbrother. A scene or two later, he has fallen into delinquency himself, a transformation that is less than convincing.
The movie's tone, guided by J.D.'s narration, veers between romanticizing certain elements of this downhome culture, a scolding attitude toward certain issues and a dismissive outlook on others, and just wallowing in the abject misery of this place and these people. It's all over the place, really, although there's one position upon which the movie never genuinely stops: compassion. Director Ron Howard works in the tradition of Colorful People who relentlessly inflict their colorfulness on us as if we could not see in the first six minutes that they were afflicted.
Give some credit to Glenn Close, who spends most of the movie with a cigarette in her mouth, wisecracking to everything that stands in her way. She acts as a person who is tired of being colorful, and even more tired of having a colorful family. What's best about the movie are the actors' human qualities. Amy Adams has a direct, blunt honesty that is appealing, and it's put to a good effect here. Both Asztalos and Basso have a dry way of sardonically holding their distance, but there you have the role of most narrators, anyway.
If I spent a lot of time performing a census of the cast, it is because the movie seems to rotate among its characters as if taking inventory. Nothing happens in "Hillbilly Elegy" that I cared much about. The movie leaves me with such vivid memories of its times and places, its feelings and weathers, and yet leaves me so completely indifferent to its plot. It presents the cycles of addiction and abuse, not with any insight or thoughtfulness, but with a sense of inescapable fate. From this perspective, these characters are essentially condemned to these lives for reasons beyond the movie's ability or willingness to confront.
"Hillbilly Elegy" hinges on Mamaw's hope that she'll leave her family better off than she found them, and it’s clear that J.D.'s story has fulfilled that wish almost as soon as this movie starts. But the process of watching him cut his losses and recommit to his own success is rendered in a way that just isn't dramatically satisfying. Everyone else's lives and problems really don't matter to this story, except that they give J.D. a few lessons to learn and a whole lot to run from. This is a movie that's surprisingly good in areas where it doesn't need to be good at all, and pretty awful in areas where it has to succeed.

Next up was Let Him Go
The opening images of "Let Him Go" include Kevin Costner standing behind a fence and watching as a horse jogs around in the pasture. He spends a lot of time standing alone, doing nothing, maybe thinking nothing, observing as if it is a task that provides him with purpose. He's not bitter or depressed or anything of the sort. He's simply content. This is just another relaxing start to his day.
George (Costner) and Margaret (Diane Lane) have been married for decades. Living on a ranch in Montana, the two are finally and completely happy when we first meet them. Their house evokes the healing serenity of wide-open spaces, overlooking fields that are perfect for horseback riding. They have an adult son, James (Ryan Bruce), who has married and given the two their first grandchild. All of them live under the same roof. When George and Margaret are sitting at the table eating breakfast, they look so comfortable with each other that they make us feel cozy.
Suddenly, tragedy strikes when James dies in an accident, and their insular, peaceful world is understandably shattered. A few years later, his wife Lorna (Kayli Carter) marries Donnie Weboy (Will Brittain), but it’s obvious from their dour ceremony that this is a union of necessity. While in town one day, Margaret sees Donnie abuse Lorna, as well as her grandson Jimmy. She tells George, and they go to the apartment where Lorna and Donnie live, hoping to take custody of the boy. Instead, they find that Donnie has abruptly packed them up and moved to parts unknown.
Margaret refuses to accept the situation, planning a road trip across state lines to retrieve Jimmy and raise him. George is reluctant, but she eventually convinces him. After packing his suitcase, George wanders out of the room without it. Margaret thinks he has changed his mind, but he explains he's just turning off the water. "I'm not coming home to busted pipes," he says. They pack up the station wagon for a road trip to begin the process of tracking down Donnie. She even packs George's old service revolver, just in case.
They travel from Montana to North Dakota, making a few stops along the way for information or to rest. George's connections as a retired lawman, vaguely famous in the region, help. They meet Peter, played by Booboo Stewart, a young Native American man living off a stolen horse, but not looking for any loot to steal. George and Margaret reminisce and occasionally bicker, but the two mostly share comfortable silences that say everything.
On a plot level, that ramps up the tension as George and Margaret encounter various members of Donnie's family (Jeffrey Donovan plays a false-smiling uncle, and Lesley Manville shows up as the tough, authoritative matriarch), leading to an unstoppable series of threats and violence. There’s a third act that's so wildly out of left field, it could have shifted the tone completely. But somehow, it works, because the movie never made me lose interest in its central characters. There's still a reticence, an unwillingness to push the violence beyond where it wants to go
Faithful readers will know that I have a certain fondness for movies with villains who are so despicable and repugnant that we cheer when we see something horrible happen to them. "Let Him Go" does not disappoint in this regard, although it does cost us something extra in the process. I still have yet to decide if the movie's ending is a particularly good one. As silly as it sounds, I really came to enjoy the company of George and Margaret, and I couldn't bear to see anything nasty happen to such good people. Oh well. Maybe it's another example of how sometimes we just have to face reality.
Many of the reviews of the film have criticized it on the basis of its plot and its tonal shift. I like it because of the time I got to spend with the characters as they dealt with family matters over a period of days. It was intrinsically interesting, not because of what it was about, but simply because of what it was. I think perhaps "Let Him Go" is gently trying to be a movie about imperfect but interesting people, the goodness of whose souls is tested by a private crisis. No great lessons are learned, no great statements made, but by the end of the film we have spent some interesting time with these people, and know them better.

Next up was Buddy Games
Although I am aware sperm is a precious bodily fluid, I don't find it an especially funny one. In "Buddy Games," the male characters are neurotic about three subjects: the size, experience, and health of their reproductive organs. This movie is like a study of de-evolution and man's ability to cheat natural selection. It's full of material that would be rejected from most third-grade recess periods for lacking wit and dignity.
Josh Duhamel, an actor who projects likability, makes his directorial debut with this comedy, which he also co-wrote and stars in. Looking at the film's press notes, he informs us that he always wanted to direct, and that writing a screenplay seemed like the natural way to start. He was close. Writing a bad screenplay is a natural way to start. There's no excuse in making the decision to film it. What he has made is yet another hymn to arrested male adolescence that should be mandatory viewing in convents to prevent nuns from thinking of renouncing their vows of celibacy.
Duhamel plays Bob, a successful businessman who has created the Buddy Games, an annual competition in which him and his friends strive to beat each other in a variety of contests. Indulging their "primal need to dominate," the guys usually aim for a lame trophy and, more importantly, bragging rights. The other members are Durfy (Dax Shepard), Doc (Kevin Dillon), Bender (Nick Swardson), Zane (James Roday). At the beginning of the movie, Sheldon (Dan Bakkedahl), the most avid competitor, is having a glorious time, until someone shoots him in the testicles with a paint gun.
Cut to five years later: Sheldon has been in a funk ever since, having lost both precious orbs of manhood. Bob, meanwhile, has a beautiful girlfriend (Olivia Munn), and he's also quite rich, which enables him to restart the Buddy Games at the behest of Sheldon's mother, who thinks it's the only way to lift her son out of his suicidal depression. When the other members prove reluctant to go along, Bob throws in a $150,000 prize as an enticement.
But Sheldon will only come back if Bender, the guy who shot him, will be excluded. To dissuade Bender from joining in, Bob tells him that there's a substantial entry fee. To his surprise, Bender successfully raises money by prostituting himself and selling vodka in his mini-van. Eventually, the group reunites for a new round of games, which include such not so hilarious exercises as attaching steaks to their heads and confronting a giant lizard. The most extended segment involves the men ingesting laxatives at a crowded bar and trying to persuade women to buy them a drink before the drugs take effect. It's no spoiler to reveal that not all of them succeed.
These guys seem to have it out for each other. Sure, a couple of them talk about how the game has kept them together all these years, long after one would imagine childhood friends would go their separate ways. To what end does it keep them together, though? The movie wants us to simultaneously view these characters as representations of middle-aged vulnerability and sometimes as literal punching bags, constantly to be beaten, smashed, and pulverized. There's something wrong with these people, and the simple fact of the matter is that watching them satisfy their masochistic tendencies isn't fun or funny.
There is a kind of one-upmanship now at work in Hollywood, inspired by the success of several gross-out comedies, to elevate smut into an art form. This is not an entirely futile endeavor; it can be done, and when it is done well, it can be funny. There's a scene in this movie where Bender also tries to appease his guilt by offering Sheldon a refrigerated humidor full of his own semen. Later, when Sheldon is in the kitchen making Pina Coladas, he grabs the semen and mixes it in. Yuck. Millions of little soldiers being massacred for a laugh.
For a fleeting moment, the film stops trying to break the Guinness Book record for offensive crudity and decides to simply be funny. The best part of "Buddy Games," and really the best part of any bad movie, is Olivia Munn. When Bob tells her about his plan to start the games again, she doesn't waste any time ditching him. Then, at the end, she rushes over to Bob in hopes that the games are finally over and they can start a life together. She pulls out the little black box, and shows him a ring. What does he do? He rejects it. At this point, it was clear that none of the idiots in "Buddy Games" are worth saving. I don't know about you, but if Olivia Munn walked up to me and handed over an engagement ring, I would take my chances.

Next up was Happiest Season
There is an emerging genre of movies about family reunions at holiday time. It seems to be a truth universally acknowledged that most reunions at Christmas end happily, while most reunions at Thanksgiving end sadly. That's odd, because the way things shake down in the world of fragmented families, we tend to spend Thanksgiving with those we choose, and Christmas with those we must. If those two lists are identical in your life, your holidays must all be joyous, or all not.
Perhaps what drives audiences to films like "Happiest Season" is that certain sense of empathy. The people onscreen may or may not look like us, but we can find some relatability and understanding in their comic foibles and tragic events. The simplest situations conceal hidden traps, and by the time the story arrives at its more serious point, we fully buy into it, because these characters have so endeared themselves to us through the comedy. It's funny in an innocent screwball kind of way.
The basic setup involves Abby (Kristen Stewart) and Harper (Mackenzie Davis), who have been dating for about a year as Christmas approaches. Abby isn't into the holiday season. Her parents, who really were into it, died when she was 19, as Harper loves to point out in expository dialogue. Being a fan of the season, she wants the woman she loves to have that sensation of Christmas joy again. So, she drunkenly invites Abby home for Christmas to meet her family. Regretting the move in the cold light of day, she waits until the car ride to reveal that she isn't actually out to her family.
Harper asks Abby to keep their relationship a secret while they're at the house, with the promise that she'll finally be honest with her family once the holidays are finished. Abby agrees, although it certainly ruins her plans to propose to Harper on Christmas morning. She meets Harper's parents Tipper (Mary Steenburgen), who's more than a bit of a controlling presence in the house, and Ted (Victor Garber), a local city council member who's running for mayor on a platform of some pretty conservative platitudes. Harper's older sister is Jane (Mary Holland), an odd one who always seems to be vying for attention. The eldest sibling is Sloane (Alison Brie), formerly a successful lawyer who quit to raise her children and make custom gift baskets.
From there, the film becomes a full-on farce, complete with eccentric characters, plenty of misunderstandings, and even some close-call gags involving doors and bedroom escapades. It's everything we expect from such material. Most of the action takes place in the house, and whatever happens will have to happen before everybody heads back to the airport. That creates an artificial deadline that makes everything seem more urgent and requires that the truth be told or love declared right here and now, or not at all.
The film is warm-hearted, funny, and involving. Stewart and Davis are well-cast. But it's not completely successful; I have an idea that writer-director Clea DuVall didn't know how to end it, and so she orchestrates a final scene at a gas station that owes more to screwball comedy than to the truth of the story. Some of the characters are broader than the material requires, but one of them, Abby's gay friend John (Dan Levy), is a wonderful comic creation, and there are some scenes of him just answering the phone that are inexplicably hilarious.
Look, a great movie this is not. A pleasant holiday entertainment it is. The generosity of the film is in how DuVall presents these characters without judgment and with considerable sympathy. Harper is in love with Abby; that's not in doubt. But she is slow to understand the depth and complexity of Abby's fabrications. She's sweet, and naive, but not the brightest bulb on the tree. What defines her for the family is not the fact that she's gay, but her own concealed romanticism. By the end, we understand that although life may not give us too much, it often gives enough.

And the last one was Uncle Frank
"Uncle Frank" presents material that cries out to be handled with quiet empathy and hammers us with it. I understand what the film is trying to do, but not why it does it with such crude melodrama. The tone is all wrong for a story of homosexuality; the conclusion of which is not necessarily false, but it does feel a bit dishonest in its simplicity. When you lay it on too thick, the audience is distracted by implausibility rather than identifying with the characters.
The movie begins in 1969 with 14 year old Beth (Sophia Lillis) dreaming of someday escaping the backwater South Carolina town where she lives with her family and seeing the world. She is encouraged in this by her Uncle Frank (Paul Bettany), who did just that; he now teaches at NYU. Frank's rare returns home are marked by the obvious coldness that his father (Stephen Root) demonstrates towards him for absolutely no evident reason. Four years later, driven by Frank's encouragement, Beth is now attending NYU, and it takes only one surprise appearance at a party at Frank's apartment to discover that he is gay and living with his lover of ten years.
Wally (Peter Macdissi) is Frank's committed partner. Just as Beth is figuring out how to react to this information, the phone rings in Frank's apartment. Daddy Mac has died. It's time for Beth, Frank, and Wally to take a road trip, back to South Carolina for the funeral. That's when the perspective changes to Frank, whose cheerful mood drops upon realizing he has to return home and further declines when Beth starts asking about his romantic past. Through flashbacks, we see what has long haunted the uncle, as a teenaged Frank (played by Cole Doman) experiences his first relationship with a young man.
As you might guess, it ended tragically, and as the memories form more clearly, we understand why Mac's death, which Frank confesses to imagining so often, has brought up not relief, but only so much hidden pain. Frank wallows in self-pity and, upon arriving in his hometown, travel-sized bottles of booze. Bettany plays Frank's overt charms and silent despair with equal degrees of effectiveness, although his internalized performance is let down by director Alan Ball in the third act, when the character lets out all of that built-up pressure in drunken arguments and tearful confessionals.
The movie denies Frank of his big moment for a confirmation of Mac's deplorable nature. Instead, we're given an informative glance at the dynamics and conflicts within the extended family. Mac's wife Mammaw (Margo Martindale) is sweet and kind. Beth's father Mike (Steve Zahn) is verbally abusive toward his wife Kitty (Judy Greer) and anyone whose behavior seems out of line. The sister, Neva (Jane McNeill) is mostly quiet, which becomes odd later, when she becomes a vital figure in Frank's constant debate between keeping his secret and finally being honest with his family.
As for Frank, he stays out of the way, quietly reading on the porch as he lights up cigarettes. Lillis' promise as a young actor continues, but Beth is something of a stock audience stand-in device. Either Frank has been incredibly subtle over the years, or she can't see anything in front of her if it's more than an inch away. "I've never met a gay person before," says Beth. Oh, but she has. Frank also points out that the choir director at the First Baptist Church was also a homosexual. "But he’s so religious!" she exclaims.
"Uncle Frank" is a film that starts with promise; I liked the early dynamic between Lillis and Bettany. But it succumbs to so many clichés that anything remotely genuine gets smothered. It's a deeply frustrating movie as Ball has assembled a cast who can undeniably do deep work and then gives nothing but a shallow script. He seems merely thrashing about in a plot too transgressive for his skills. The movie looks upon his process with such skepticism that the movie doesn't even bother an attempt to explain it.
The story becomes less about the man's attempt to come to terms with those feelings and more about waiting to see what will happen. Each of the family members have at least one scene in which they can be honest with Frank, and the movie's final scene, in which they finally say what has needed to be said for a long time, is quite affecting. It's far too long of a wait for such specificity, though. "Uncle Frank" operates primarily as a message movie, and as necessary as that message might be, the movie's lack of a unique and personal approach to the material means that it's not a necessary part of the conversation.
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2020.11.26 13:32 SuperHotUKDeals The Middle Earth Collection [The Lord Of The Rings / The Hobbit] [Extended Edition] [Blu-ray] [2014] [2016] 30 discs £51.98 @ amazon

The description of this deal was not provided by this subreddit and it's contributors.
£51.98 - Amazon
FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Assited by a fellowship of heroes, Frodo Baggins plunges into a perilous trek to take the mystical One Ring to Mount Doom so it and its magical power can be destroyed and never possessed by evil Lord Sauron. The astonishing journey begins in the first film of directocowriter Peter Jackson’s epic trilogy that redefined fantasy filmmaking. This imaginative foray into J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth won four Academy Awards and earned 13 total nominations, including Best Picture.
THE TWO TOWERS
Frodo and Samwise press on toward Mordor. Gollum insists on being the guide. Can anyone so corrupted by the ring be trusted? Can Frodo, increasingly under the sway of the ring, even trust himself? Meanwhile, Aragorn, drawing closer to his kingly destiny, rallies forces of good for the battles that must come. Director Peter Jackson delivers an amazing second movie that won two Academy Awards and earned six total nominations, including Best Picture. The journey continues. So do the astonishing spectacle and splendor.
RETURN OF THE KING
It is time. For Frodo to overcome the wickedness of Gollum, the horrifying attack of colossal arachnid Shelob and the soul-twisting allure of a ring that resists destruction. For Aragorn to take up the sword of his forebears and the crown of his birthright. For the mighty clash that Wizard Gandalf calls “the great battle of our time. ” And for the inspired culmination of the fi lms based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s literary classic. For the third time, a Rings movie was a Best Picture Academy Award nominee, and for the first time it claimed that prize (plus 10 more). The King deserves its crown.
AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
Follow title character Bilbo Baggins, who – along with the Wizard Gandalf and 13 Dwarves, led by Thorin Oakenshield – is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the fearsome Dragon Smaug. Their journey will take them into the Wild and through treacherous lands inhabited by Goblins, Orcs and deadly Wargs, as well as by a mysterious and sinister figure known only as the Necromancer. Along the path, the unassuming Bilbo Baggins not only discovers depths of ingenuity and courage that surprise even himself, he also gains possession of a “precious” ring tied to the fate of all Middle-earth in ways he cannot begin to imagine.
THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG
THE HOBBIT BILBO BAGGINS, the Wizard Gandalf and 13 Dwarves, led by Thorin Oakenshield, continue their journey to reclaim the Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor. Along the way, they encounter skin-changer Beorn; giant Spiders of Mirkwood; Wood-elves led by Legolas, Tauriel and King Thranduil; and a mysterious Man named Bard, who smuggles them into Lake-town. Finally reaching the Lonely Mountain, they face their greatest danger – the Dragon Smaug.
BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES
Thorin Oakensheild and the Dwarves of Erebor have reclaimed the vast wealth of their homeland, but now face the consequences of having unleashed the terrifying Dragon Smaug upon Lake-town. Meanwhile, Sauron, the Dark Lord, has sent forth legions of Orcs to attack the Lonely Mountain, and Bilbo Baggins finds himself fighting for his life as five great armies go to war. As darkness converges, the races of Dwarves, Elves and Men must decide – unite or be destroyed.
Product information
Run time 18 hours
Number of discs 30
Media Format PAL, Subtitled
Language Italian (Dolby Digital 5.1), English (Dolby Digital 5.1), Unknown (Dolby Surround)
Actors Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Christopher Lee, Cate Blanchett, Ian McKellen
Aspect Ratio 16:9 - 1.78:1
Studio Warner Home Video
Release date 31 Oct. 2016
This deal can be found at hotukdeals via this link: https://ift.tt/3l9B4n8
submitted by SuperHotUKDeals to HotUKGamingDeals [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 12:56 Edgyydied My spirit guide is Theodore Roosevelt

I know what you're going to say ummm my guy impossible but trust me its very true.
I don't know how to put this into words but I've talked to my spirit guide three times now and it was fairly easy for me to get in touch with them.
My first encounter was through a guided meditation where one of my spirit guides were a body full of white light, like a bright and pure being in front of me. We held hands but didn't speak, everything that wasn't said was felt through me Idk know how to put it into words but I felt loved and cared for by them.
The second one is a bit cloudy but I remember my spirit guides name was Theodore Roosevelt. (I was skeptical until the third time).
So finally i'm meditating and I am outside this room I open the door and I'm in like a library/office room and a man I couldn't see his face clearly because he was talking to me through my thoughts but he made me focus on the top of his head. His hair was slicked to the side and he looked like young in his mid 30s or something like that.
Our conversation went like this:
Me: is this real
Spirit Guide: yes
M: what is your name spirit guide(even though I already knew)
SG: Theodore Roosevelt
M: were you incarcerated on earth
SG: yes
M:when were you born
SG: 1872(told me 2 dates but I only remembered the second one)
I asked my spirit guide a few more questions and then after I thanked them and said see you later. Eventually I decided to search him up.
His name was already familiar but when I looked him up I was like hold up...no way. I clicked on the first article and it had a timelines of Roosevelt's Childhood . He was born in 1858 but as I went to read more passing 1860, 1870 and 1871.
1872- "October- family embarks another trip abroad: travels include Egypt and the Holy Land".
Me: interesting....some subliminal messages there
Also I held his hand i do that to feel connected to my spirit guides... still new to all of this but Idk what to say
submitted by Edgyydied to spirituality [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 09:59 Successful-Ad8773 5 Questions Answered By an Female Escort In an Interview

Escort service and call girls are some of the most suspicious things in the modern world. Everyone wants to know more about them. So here we share 5 answers, which are answered by an escort girl in an conversation.
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How can you take an escort service in any Indian city?

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submitted by Successful-Ad8773 to u/Successful-Ad8773 [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 05:52 whit0882 Lost without light

Lost without light
My little sister was 11 almost 12 years younger than me. She’s 28 I’m 39 and from birth I can remember a light coming from her eyes and smile that literally lit up rooms. She was full of life, sass and everything good. Her faith in humanity and god remained almost childlike even into her adulthood. She could make anyone smile. We’d have dance battles, jam sessions in the car, makeover nights, she’d convince me to try the nastiest concoctions she could make, we’d have long talks about love, life, fears, being moms, marriage and God.. neither one of us ever met a stranger, she had no fear of people, she’d help anyone in need and pray for everyone. When I say she had childlike faith I say that with all the faith I have I just mean she had such an innocent Christlike way of looking at everything, all up to about 5 years ago.
I remember this issue came up with her that shook her faith to its core and after that it was like she could no longer function. Unfortunately she had gotten involved with a religious cult at 16 that made her religious beliefs extreme. They told her Jesus was coming and to send all her money over seas and to do nothing with her life but read the Bible... she had been my bestie, mini me for so long. But during this time was ultimately told to cut off her entire family. I messaged her every week letting her know I was there no matter what, I am your sister and I’m not going anywhere. when Jesus didn’t come back, after multiple times Her identity was gone. She was diagnosed manic depressive and schizophrenic by multiple doctors over the years as was our mother and one aunt. At 17 she married an older man who was also in this cult then 5 years ago at 23 the trauma of Jesus not coming hit. She had two children, no job, no education, no family, no outside friends. She wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or any nice clothes, not allowed to celebrate birthdays or Christmas etc... she freaked one day showing up at my door in a panic crying all weekend saying she was in a cult. She wanted to leave but didn’t know how to leave her husband. Over a few months she started acting out going out drinking and not coming home, her husband calling me. Then after a year they were both going out drinking. I got calls from psych wards, police departments, hospitals and the apartment complexes they were living in. The manager called and said both the toddlers 1 and 3 were running naked in the parking lot and the door to the apartment was bolted from the inside. (Longer story here) but I had to go get my niece and nephew who then stayed with me for about 6 months. Luckily the husband got himself together and I gave him back his precious littles. My sister has remained on this track even involving her babies. She’s been arrested so many times, in and out of rehab after rehab, prostitution, drugs then come home to me, beg for help then leave after two weeks, end up in the Hospital after overdose or attempted suicide to then another psych ward where she was given more meds then back with me where she’d over medicate with those to stealing my brothers car, to more suicide attempts, to almost dying after wrecking her vehicle after downing handles of vodka, to cops pulling in to a car running in a parking lot all day with screaming kids in the back and her passed out at the wheel, dancing at strip clubs, more arrests, calling and then begging for more help from me. Flaking on bail and court dates. Almost burning my house down from a lit cigarette and what I found out later were whip it’s. After all these things and more that she had done all my other siblings were done, aunts uncles cousins etc she had no options but me and This has been ongoing since 2016. back in March I found the only place open willing to take her during covid and after two weeks she just left but lied to me for another 4 weeks. I found out from some guy she had met on tinder who was looking for her that he picked her up from that rehab, she apparently was the love of his life and he wanted her back. He also paid for her attorney fees. Back in august I started going through a terrible custody battle with my ex, In the last 5 weeks she all of a sudden started texting me like once a week, just nonchalantly. Then last week called and left a message that she was passing through. I didn’t call back and three days later she was on my front porch drunk and angry. Tequila bottle in hand. Telling me I’ve never helped her and I’m her big sister and she’s got rehab in two weeks please just let her stay. I could no longer see that light in her eyes, I could no longer see my sister. I got angry told her to leave, grabbed the bottle and emptied it. Which upset her more. I shut the door and told her to leave she refused banged on my door for three hours total. I finally had to call the police. She was so drunk and irate that she was defiant and abrasive with the police so they took her to jail.
Sunday morning I woke up to a missed call at 2 am. I googled the number because I assumed it was a jail, nobody else calls that late. It was the tarrant county medical examiner’s office. I stared at my phone and scrolled down thinking this was a prank or just plain wrong. I realized I had a voicemail and look that the transcribe. It said they were looking for information on my sister. I asked my husband why the ME Would be calling me, though deep down I knew. He said call it back. The ME said he had her things, with a medical release form from a hospital with my info and did I know her I said yes she is my sister, is she with you? He sounded a little shocked but said yes ma’am I have her body her with me. She was stuck by multiple cars in the middle of the interstate last night.
I don’t remember much except him telling my husband that they had to fingerprint her to get an id.
He held me and we sobbed while I cried out I killed my sister.
I am the oldest of 9 and I practically raised the youngest ones which she was one. And I killed my sister. Everyone tells me it’s not my fault that I did more than anyone else but all I feel is I didn’t do enough.
She texted me on Facebook at 5:30 saying “you suck” which I didn’t even see until after the call with the ME, at 6:30 she walked up the embankment and laid down in all black (one man watched her do this pulled aside and tried to stop traffic but nobody saw him) she laid down and allowed car after car to hit her, not a single car that hit her stopped. My baby sister hated me and her life so much that she ended it in the worst way I can imagine and completely alone. I can’t begin to tell you my entire life I vowed to protect them all from everything including our parents which were narcissistic sociopaths. And in the end I failed. I’ll never see her or hug her or be able to say I love you the one big fight we ever had will be our one and only fight. When I gave up she did too and it’s the most hopeless feeling I’ve ever had. I don’t have any loss to compare this too. I have no book to guide me. This happened this last Sunday and my siblings are all on some call schedule with me rotating and all are amazing but my guilt and sadness is eating me alive. I’m just lost without my light.
submitted by whit0882 to GriefSupport [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 05:35 whit0882 Lost without light

My little sister was 11 almost 12 years younger than me. She’s 28 I’m 39 and from birth I can remember a light coming from her eyes and smile that literally lit up rooms. She was full of life, sass and everything good. Her faith in humanity and god remained almost childlike even into her adulthood. She could make anyone smile. We’d have dance battles, jam sessions in the car, makeover nights, she’d convince me to try the nastiest concoctions she could make, we’d have long talks about love, life, fears, being moms, marriage and God.. neither one of us ever met a stranger, she had no fear of people, she’d help anyone in need and pray for everyone. When I say she had childlike faith I say that with all the faith I have I just mean she had such an innocent Christlike way of looking at everything, all up to about 5 years ago.
I remember this issue came up with her that shook her faith to its core and after that it was like she could no longer function. Unfortunately she had gotten involved with a religious cult at 16 that made her religious beliefs extreme. They told her Jesus was coming and to send all her money over seas and to do nothing with her life but read the Bible... she had been my bestie, mini me for so long. But during this time was ultimately told to cut off her entire family. I messaged her every week letting her know I was there no matter what, I am your sister and I’m not going anywhere. when Jesus didn’t come back, after multiple times Her identity was gone. She was diagnosed manic depressive and schizophrenic by multiple doctors over the years as was our mother and one aunt. At 17 she married an older man who was also in this cult then 5 years ago at 23 the trauma of Jesus not coming hit. She had two children, no job, no education, no family, no outside friends. She wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or any nice clothes, not allowed to celebrate birthdays or Christmas etc... she freaked one day showing up at my door in a panic crying all weekend saying she was in a cult. She wanted to leave but didn’t know how to leave her husband. Over a few months she started acting out going out drinking and not coming home, her husband calling me. Then after a year they were both going out drinking. I got calls from psych wards, police departments, hospitals and the apartment complexes they were living in. The manager called and said both the toddlers 1 and 3 were running naked in the parking lot and the door to the apartment was bolted from the inside. (Longer story here) but I had to go get my niece and nephew who then stayed with me for about 6 months. Luckily the husband got himself together and I gave him back his precious littles. My sister has remained on this track even involving her babies. She’s been arrested so many times, in and out of rehab after rehab, prostitution, drugs then come home to me, beg for help then leave after two weeks, end up in the Hospital after overdose or attempted suicide to then another psych ward where she was given more meds then back with me where she’d over medicate with those to stealing my brothers car, to more suicide attempts, to almost dying after wrecking her vehicle after downing handles of vodka, to cops pulling in to a car running in a parking lot all day with screaming kids in the back and her passed out at the wheel, dancing at strip clubs, more arrests, calling and then begging for more help from me. Flaking on bail and court dates. Almost burning my house down from a lit cigarette and what I found out later were whip it’s. After all these things and more that she had done all my other siblings were done, aunts uncles cousins etc she had no options but me and This has been ongoing since 2016. back in March I found the only place open willing to take her during covid and after two weeks she just left but lied to me for another 4 weeks. I found out from some guy she had met on tinder who was looking for her that he picked her up from that rehab, she apparently was the love of his life and he wanted her back. He also paid for her attorney fees. Back in august I started going through a terrible custody battle with my ex, In the last 5 weeks she all of a sudden started texting me like once a week, just nonchalantly. Then last week called and left a message that she was passing through. I didn’t call back and three days later she was on my front porch drunk and angry. Tequila bottle in hand. Telling me I’ve never helped her and I’m her big sister and she’s got rehab in two weeks please just let her stay. I could no longer see that light in her eyes, I could no longer see my sister. I got angry told her to leave, grabbed the bottle and emptied it. Which upset her more. I shut the door and told her to leave she refused banged on my door for three hours total. I finally had to call the police. She was so drunk and irate that she was defiant and abrasive with the police so they took her to jail.
Sunday morning I woke up to a missed call at 2 am. I googled the number because I assumed it was a jail, nobody else calls that late. It was the tarrant county medical examiner’s office. I stared at my phone and scrolled down thinking this was a prank or just plain wrong. I realized I had a voicemail and look that the transcribe. It said they were looking for information on my sister. I asked my husband why the ME Would be calling me, though deep down I knew. He said call it back. The ME said he had her things, with a medical release form from a hospital with my info and did I know her I said yes she is my sister, is she with you? He sounded a little shocked but said yes ma’am I have her body her with me. She was stuck by multiple cars in the middle of the interstate last night.
I don’t remember much except him telling my husband that they had to fingerprint her to get an id.
He held me and we sobbed while I cried out I killed my sister.
I am the oldest of 9 and I practically raised the youngest ones which she was one. And I killed my sister. Everyone tells me it’s not my fault that I did more than anyone else but all I feel is I didn’t do enough.
She texted me on Facebook at 5:30 saying “you suck” which I didn’t even see until after the call with the ME, at 6:30 she walked up the embankment and laid down in all black (one man watched her do this pulled aside and tried to stop traffic but nobody saw him) she laid down and allowed car after car to hit her, not a single car that hit her stopped. My baby sister hated me and her life so much that she ended it in the worst way I can imagine and completely alone. I can’t begin to tell you my entire life I vowed to protect them all from everything including our parents which were narcissistic sociopaths. And in the end I failed. I’ll never see her or hug her or be able to say I love you the one big fight we ever had will be our one and only fight. When I gave up she did too and it’s the most hopeless feeling I’ve ever had. I don’t have any loss to compare this too. I have no book to guide me. This happened this last Sunday and my siblings are all on some call schedule with me rotating and all are amazing but my guilt and sadness is eating me alive. I’m just lost without my light.
submitted by whit0882 to SuicideBereavement [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 05:23 throwraozj My brother is becoming misogynistic since breaking up with his abusive ex

I’m 21 and my brother (17) lives with me. He was dating his ex girlfriend (18) for two years. Around last year she became very abusive. She would scratch him, hit him, verbally assault him, hold knives to his neck, etc. He caught her poking holes in their protection once and when he called her out, she slapped him. When he told me this I practically begged him to leave her, like nearly on my knees. I can’t tell him what to do with his relationships. He’s a young adult now- but I can put my opinion in. They finally broke up last month and I was jumping for joy. After their breakup though he’s become a little.. misogynistic. He generalizes women, says we’re hypocrites, etc. He’s also been watching MGTOW videos and has befriended an older (30ish) man who reinforces the ideology.
About two hours ago I was in the kitchen drinking a glass of vodka. My brother walked in looking dead inside. I asked him if he wanted some and we shared my glass. I told him I’m concerned that he’s developing misogynistic views and that his friend is guiding him wrong. He said “Care to explain?” I sighed and said “Well you are starting to generalize wo-“ then he cut me off saying “Women generalize men all the time, like, call us trash every day. Who cares if we generalize back? Why you care more about me generalizing then me getting hurt?” I looked at him and said “Well I do, which is why I was gonna ask you about therapy. What if I helped you get a therapist? You need someone to talk to.” He looked down in silence and I waited for him to speak. He looked back up at me and said “Fuck. Listen, I will think about therapy. I don’t want to be forced or pressured into it, but I will think about. Until you’re given an answer, let me deal with my feelings the way I want to.” I sighed and just said okay.
I’m very concerned and worried. I don’t want him going down a path of hatred. I know he asked me not to pressure him into therapy but I still want to be there for him and keep trying to help him get through this horrible trauma he has without succumbing to hateful thoughts about women. What do I do? And how do I influence him to stop consuming that stuff?
submitted by throwraozj to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 04:59 throwraozj My brother (I7m) is becoming inceI-like since breaking up with his abusive ex (I8f)

My (21f) brother (17m) lives with me. He was dating his ex girlfriend (18f) for two years. Around last year she became very abusive. She would scratch him, hit him, verbally assault him, etc. He caught her poking holes in their protection once and when he called her out, she slapped him. When he told me this I practically begged him to leave her, like nearly on my knees. I can’t tell him what to do with his relationships. He’s a young adult now- but I can put my opinion in. They finally broke up last month and I was jumping for joy. After their breakup though he’s become a little.. misogynistic. He generalizes women, says we’re hypocrites, etc. He’s also been watching MGTOW videos and has befriended an older (30ish) man who reinforces the ideology.
About two hours ago I was in the kitchen drinking a glass of vodka. My brother walked in looking dead inside. I asked him if he wanted some and we shared my glass. I told him I’m concerned that he’s developing misogynistic views and that his friend is guiding him wrong. He said “Care to explain?” I sighed and said “Well you are starting to generalize wo-“ then he cut me off saying “Women generalize men all the time, like, call us trash every day. Who cares if we generalize back? Why you care more about me generalizing then me getting hurt?” I looked at him and said “Well I do, which is why I was gonna ask you about therapy. What if I helped you get a therapist? You need someone to talk to.” He looked down in silence and I waited for him to speak. He looked back up at me and said “Fuck. Listen, I will think about therapy. I don’t want to be forced or pressured into it, but I will think about. Until you’re given an answer, let me deal with my feelings the way I want to.” I sighed and just said okay.
I’m very concerned and worried. I don’t want him going down a path of hatred. I know he asked me not to pressure him into therapy but I still want to be there for him and keep trying to help him get through this without succumbing to hateful thoughts about women. What do I do? And how do I influence him to stop consuming that stuff?
Note: I use “incel” to mean misogynistic
submitted by throwraozj to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 01:09 500scnds [Table] Iama guy who has been living alone in an abandoned ‘ghost town’ for over 6 months. I bought the town just over two years ago. AMA! (pt 3/3 FINAL)

Source Previous table
Questions Answers
I subscribe to your YouTube channel! Are you still seeing that one ghost? Have you gone back into that building? I completely redid that building because it creeped me out too much. It had dark carpet, dark walls, lace curtains. I ripped out the carpet, left it wood floors, painted the walls white, took out the curtains. Feels better in there, but I still don't really like being in there.
You mentioned opening it up for short time stays, would you market by leaning into the supernatural elements? Staying in a ghost town sounds perfect in my opinion. If you are a believer, then the history will make it exciting. If you are not a believer, then the absolute stillness sounds pleasantly perfect. I don't think we'll lean into it, but not lean away from it either. I won't have 'ghost tours' or anything like that, but if people want to come and look for ghosts, that's their issue. Cerro Gordo's history is what it is. It's very public. Some are 100% convinced there is paranormal history here, some think that's bogus. I don't want to push one way or the other. People can do what they want once here...
the below is a reply to the above
I understand that. Not trying to tell you anything to do with your work but I really would think about marketing to some. At least think about a Halloween/October takeover that leans into it for a few weeks. If your ROI increases from some small adjustments to the town, it couldn't hurt. But you also may have zero interest in actually turning a profit, which is equally acceptable as it is your town. Prior marketing manager here so hard to turn off the ideas. Great work with the town so far! totally! Around certain holidays it would definitely be fun. I just don't want to use it as a crutch, you know? Some towns lean on that so much. I think Cerro Gordo is much bigger than just that one element, so don't want to be known for JUST that...
Hey! I was watching your 6 month update last night. Heck of a coincidence. I love your work. The trickle supply for the water out of the mine probably needs a tank somewhere, are you storing it further up the mountain? Or is it just trickle straight into the town? Thanks for checking it out! I have a few tanks. Two 2,500 gallon tanks a bit above town. That is where water is flowing right now. Then there is two 500 gallon tanks that sort of backup those two 2,500 gallon tanks. The water comes around 400 gallons per day. Although it stopped yesterday weirdly. So we're going back down this coming week to see why.
the below is a reply to the above
Is it possible to rig up a cistern to catch rainwatesnow? Maybe some way to melt the snow, to supplement your water supply from underground and give you a backup in case of emergencies? My grandparents lived on Grand Cayman for a few years and they used a cistern for laundry and the like. I've been going over different options along these lines. There are some weird regulations about capturing water around here, but I think we may be able to do some variation of that long term.
the below is a reply to the above
Good luck!! I look forward to seeing what you do with Cerro Gordo and how you solve these problems :) Thank you!
I just watched the 6 month update video on YT, and I think the only time I got nervous for you was when you were sitting on that cart and it started to shift! How are you preparing for this winter after spending the end of last years in the town? A lot of ways. That first winter was all new to me. I grew up in Florida and lived in Texas. My truck was 2WD with street tires.
I have already stocked up on wood, slowly stocking up on food, and have a 4WD Tacoma with chains ready.
I'm sure I'll learn a lot this winter too, but I'm in a much better place than last year...
I think I may be too late to the party. But I’m a unique age that allowed me to remember your first ama on here, and then also happened to follow the sam and Colby videos when they came to visit. I was like no way I know this place! I was so sorry to hear about the hotel. How was it working with Sam and Colby? Did their videos help raise some funds towards rebuilding the hotel? Was it interesting to host the group there when you’re usually more of a lone wolf? Sam & Colby are great. Really nice guys. We've stayed in touch. Their fans are amazing and really helped towards rebuilding the hotel. I hope S&C come back for the opening party!
As the owner of the town, can you just change the name? Or is there some kind of process that needs approval? I probably could, but I like the name, also the history of the town is why it's interesting to me, so I'd like to keep it the same...
Do you get many people drop by out of the blue? When it's good weather, yeah. It's a weird situation because the town is technically 'closed' because of the pandemic and I'm trying to do work on the town.
So if I'm in a remote part of the town and someone shows up to main area, it's weird to come back and find people basically waiting/looking around your house.
My email is public and there is a sign with a phone number at bottom of hill. I just wish people would arrange visits ahead of time...
the below is a reply to the above
I guess Cerro Gordo Rd that runs through town is still a public easement, and you can't put up a gate? Technically a 'utility road' because DWP/ATT/FAA use it to access stuff.
the below is a reply to the above
Ouch. No chance of getting it vacated then. Although it's probably less likely you'll get trapped for long by a rockslide or something. Congrats on living the dream, dude. I used to travel a ton around NM and southern CO when I lived in Texas, and always fantasized about buying something way abandoned, way out in the desert. Thanks for helping preserve a critical part of our history that many people overlook. Appreciate that!
Weren't you like trapped there last winter? Lol anyway are you gonna get that place up and running soon? I sure was. Not this winter! I'm much more prepared this time around.
I hope to have people coming to stay overnight by this time next year (pandemic allowing)...
the below is a reply to the above
I for sure wanna go when you have it running! I remember that you got sick while trapped right? I'm so happy to hear you made it out and back in ok!!! I can't wait for you to open up. I'm not too far away (a couple states over). Better now! I had a few rounds of appendicitis. A few rounds because first time they treated it just with antibiotics because of pandemic. Then it came back again and I had to have surgery to get it removed. Not a lot of fun, but better now!
Have you thought about busting out a metal detector? I did a few weeks ago and found these badass Chinese coins. I need to use it more but there is so much scrap metal/nails around it is hard to find just the good stuff...
[deleted] Damn, that is one good username...
Hi Brent - just started following you and the Cerro Gordo account on IG! You’ve said that the approach increases 6,000 feet in elevation in 7 miles. What’s it like driving up? I imagine it’s 7 miles of razor sharp switchbacks? What speed do you take it? You’re 32 - do you see yourself dating in the future? Last question: have you watched Schitt’s Creek? The road can be intimidating at first (and especially at night) but I'm used to it now. I've done it a bunch that now I just get to enjoy the view. At first I was so focused on road I couldn't see anything else haha. I used to go around 10MPH all the way up. Now I hover around 20 if I'm in my truck and maybe up to 30MPH if I'm in my Polaris side-by-side...
Need a brewery? Always. I thought the 'hoist house' could be a cool brewery one day.
Can I come visit? Let's let the pandemic die down a bit, then sure! why not
How do you cope with the isolation so well? Do you meditate or anything like that? Long walks. Introvert.
Reddit.
How do you know the silver there is really played out? That's what I've been told and fancy companies determined, but I hold out hope. You could be a few inches away from the vein and not know it. One day, maybe...
Hey I've seen your YouTube videos before! Any more ghost stories? I remember you telling one about seeing a little kid in a bunk house I believe. None as concerning to me as the bunkhouse story. I still don't like going in that building.
The other one recently involved my wallet. I came back from town one day and put it inside on top of some laundry I had just done. I came back in, and the wallet wasn't there. It wasn't ANYWHERE. To the point where I had to order new cards such. Then, months later, I brought in laundry, and my wallet was back on top of this new stack. So some mischief for sure being played...
This might be a dumb question but since you put 1.4m into it, how are you still making money to buy food and stuff while running ghost town? I have a 'day job' that luckily I can do from my computer.
How do you go on about getting basic necessities like toilet paper, food, etc.. I guess, what I'm asking is, how close is the nearest Walmart? Nearest walmart is maybe 2 hours away? 2.5 maybe? I usually get supplies every 2 weeks or so in a town called "Lone Pine" which is just over an hour from the town. The store is small and variety is limited, but gets the job done
the below is a reply to the above
Can you get things delivered? I can’t see a UPS truck or a USPS mail cart making it anywhere near the town. And how is that handled if you decided to move there permanently? Do you have a registered address? How would you handle any 911 type situations? I can't. My PO Box is in Lone Pine. About an hour or so drive each way. I think that's my only option. I have to go there when I get groceries and pick up whatever is there...
911 is tough. A 7 mile steep dirt road isn't easy. Maybe helicopter if situation is bad enough?
the below is a reply to the above
Obviously there’s heaps liability having this awesome destination with potential hazards (old mines, etc.).. on one hand I’d think the state and/or federal government would have to extend basic emergency services to the town, but since you own the whole town they may not have to actually offer any support. Do you know what the situation will be? Have you started any conversations about this with any government offices about what will be available once you’re commercially operating and open to the public? With the BLM and the FAA having interests close to your town, it seems feasible that the govt at least has the capacity to get to where you are regularly. This just signs interesting as hell, I can’t wait to go watch all of your videos! FAA will theoretically clear the road in the winter if I call in the favor. It isn't a set rule, but I'm supposed to look after their stuff a bit when they're not here, and they help when they can. That type of relationship for now. But I do know people at both BLM and FAA and probably should have convos around when we're fully open...
the below is a reply to the above
As a fellow Texan I’d never been too keen on going back to Cali.. but your town has changed that. I’d love to road trip over with my husband and check your town out once you’re up and running. I’ll be following this over the next year or so and look forward to having the opportunity to eventually make it happen! Thanks for checking it out! Come on out
the below is a reply to the original answer
I love lone pine and would love to come say hi one day Lone Pine is the best! Is that where you live?
Is this your website? https://store.cerrogordomines.com/ Correct
At what point will you start dressing up as the Miner Forty-Niner and scaring teenagers who drive through the town? Who's to say I don't already...
Oh wow I discovered your channel not too long ago, what was your main driving motive for all of this? Seems like an impossible project personally Gotta also ask, how are the kittens doing? Kittens are good! Eating soft food now, which makes my life easier haha.
The drive has changed over time. When I started, I think I was looking for a cool hospitality project. Now being here so much and learning all the history, there is this overwhelming sense of responsibility. Of duty. That I HAVE to get this town to a place where more people can experience it, and leave it for generations to come. Probably going a bit nuts
Do you live there by yourself? If not, what do others do? I'm here by myself. Some people visit occasionally to help work on town, but nobody else lives here full time.
I remember when you first posted about this. So glad you've kept it up. What has been the biggest surprise you've learned about yourself during the time you've spent in your town during quarantine? Hmmm. I think I've learned to slow down. I used to rush rush rush. Mainly to avoid doing important things or sitting with certain ideas. Now I'm comfortable just sitting in a chair looking at the mountain for an hour. And not being anxious that I need to be doing something else...
[deleted] I think it's slowed me down a lot. I used to run around doing all sorts of tasks that seemed so important. But they were just distracting from things I didn't want to sit with or think about or act on. I don't get those distractions here. It clarifies things for me...
What kind of camping is available in the area? There is surrounding BLM land in the area that is available for camping. I hope one day on the back of our property to offer camping options, but for now it would be too much to manage
I follow you on tiktok! One question that bugs me sorry if you've already answered is what can you do about all that unstable dynamite, is there not a way to get a bomb disposal or similar? I just leave it there. Not worth the hassle to try to remove and I'm the only one going in most these mines, so I keep a metal record of where it is...
Hey! Love the YouTube channel! found it a few weeks ago. Curious, have you slept in the mine lounge yet? I am sure you've answered this already. Thanks for sharing with us! Hope to visit some day. Take care mate! I haven't slept in the lounge, but I did sleep in the mine the other night. That's actually what my next video is about.
I took the hoist down into the main Union Mine and had them take up the hoist so I had to be down there from around 6pm-8am. It was QUITE the experience...
I’ve seen a few comments mentioning internet access, and your mention of the ATT hot spot that does the trick for you. Do you intend to maintain the atmosphere of a relatively internet free setting, or do you intend to bring in WiFi for visitors? You stated you want people to come see the town and experience the history, and I feel some of our modern comforts would greatly detract from that, especially WiFi. It also brings me to Edward Abbey -esque thoughts on paving the dirt roads that lead to special places in the desert (don’t do it) I'd never pave our dirt road. It's difficult, but it needs to be difficult. It takes a long time, but during that time you build anticipation. And RIGHT when you want to say 'fuck it' and turn around, the town reveals itself to you, and it takes your breath away. Then you feel like you've 'earned' the stay in a weird way. And you don't want to leave.
In terms of WIFI, I don't want super fast wifi. Something so people can communicate with world if they need to, but we're not a co-working space.
Have you met any famous people? Jeff Goldblum came to film something here. That was pretty cool. He's really nice. I guess that counts?
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Oh wow, that counts, what did he film? An episode of his show "World According to Jeff Goldblum" - it was about denim.
Hi! Just watched a couple of your videos - so cool. I love that you're filming all this! I gotta ask if you've got names for all the goats and kittens yet? I know you mentioned a couple names but not 11 names! :) OK! Here it goes. Goats - Tofu, Beretta, Bubba, Elon, Senorita Juanita.
Kittens - Gordo. The rest are still unnamed. Any suggestions?
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Reading through your other comments, Levi has to be one of their names for sure.. Excellent call!! I like that.
[deleted] The town has a very rich history. Biggest producer of silver in California, more gunfights that could be recorded, 'ghosts', hidden treasure, everything.
I never get bored here...
Do you experience any form of corporeal inequality or tension between you and the remaining ghost populace? I imagine living in a ghost town would give you a comprehensive insight into ghost culture and society, are they actively trying to involve you in the community or are they giving you the silent treatment? I know where they like to hang out. They know where I hang out. We respect each other's space
Have you thought of getting amateur astronomers up there to take some pics of the sky? It would be an awesome place to go for a weekend to get the stars. Stars are amazing. This winter that became my obsession - long exposure photos. I'd never taken any in my life but this place is prime for them. I've really enjoyed it.
I've watched hours of your youtube channel man you are so good at it! Fascinating story. I do think you are fuckin mental wondering around by yourself up there. On that note when you are exploring mines are you careful about gas build up? I've watched other exploration videos and sometimes they have a little device that alerts to harmful gases, which you might not be able to smell. Wow, thanks for checking them out! I'm glad you like them. I bring a 4-gas monitor with me into the mines
What a coincidence! I've been getting your vids in my recommeded for weeks and decided to give in yesterday, and now you show up on the front page of reddit. Nice. I absolutely love this kind of project. Maybe because I basically grew up in one myself, my parents bought a 19th-century french textile factory and we've been renovating it for the past 20 years to receive guests in it. Do your long-term plans include rebuilding some of the old buildings that weren't there? Some of the missing 478? Also, with tourism likely to increase, how are you planning on keeping it authentic? Definitely want to rebuild some buildings lost. I have a photo from 1890s that shows a TON of buildings that aren't here anymore. However, given the buildings that are here, I can piece together where they should be...
Hey Brent, I've been following your journey for a few weeks now, just want to let you know how much I enjoy your videos! It's obvious you put a lot of time and care into the content that you edit and release. I know you just got the kittens - have you considered getting a dog as well? Thank you for watching! It definitely takes a long time for each video. That isn't my background. I'd never made a video before April, so it's all new and I'm slow. But I enjoy it
How much of the original hotel that burned are you able to salvage? was anything found in the ashes that could be incorporated to the rebuild? How are you planning on getting water for the resort? Do you wear an oxygen mask when you go down into the mines? When do you expect people will be able to come and stay at Cerro Gordo as a resort? Thanks for the AMA! I don't think resort is the route we'll take anymore. It doesn't fit the place. It also isn't the type of place I like to stay. I think it will be more like a lodge or a bed/breakfast. I think it fits the vibe here much better.
We'll have to truck up water for now, unless we find a different solution.
Not much of the hotel was left, but some original floorboards will be incorporated into the new floor
Might be too late and have missed you, but i love the YT channel, thanks for sharing such great videos. My question: how's the feeling of freedom there? Do you ever just divert from what you were planning on doing, and...decide to walk/drive in a different direction and see what you see? I feel like that would be an amazing feeling. Totally. Almost everyday. I almost plan on getting 'lost' in the late afternoon.
I'll set out with a plan. See something interesting along the way. Hike there. See something else interesting. Hike there. See something interesting. Repeat that for a long time and get 'lost'
It is an amazing feeling for sure.
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I just watched a bunch of the videos. Two questions: 1. When you were exploring the mine where 30 people had died, where you a bit worried (or perhaps anticipating) to find them? They died in a collapse. Meaning dirt and rock fell on them in such amounts that others couldn't rescue them. So I don't think it's likely we'd stumble upon them. They'd still be under the collapse
Here is an article that mentions the collapse: https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2006-oct-08-me-then8-story.html
"Cerro Gordo’s deadliest mine disaster struck in the early 1870s when a cave-in killed at least eight and as many as 35 Chinese miners. They were mining in limestone below the 200-foot level and failed to shore up the tunnel with timber, former Cerro Gordo mining foreman Fred Fisher told a Times reporter in 1950. Their bodies were never recovered."
2. Also, why are the mines full of jeans? Would people just run around butt naked when their jeans got teared? I've heard a few theories. First, they sh*t their pants and left them back there. Next, they had a pair of work pants and a pair of everyday pants and changed once they got there. Next, the pants were expensive and belonged to the mine not the miner so they stayed at the mine. Next, they ripped and they threw them in trash heaps back in the mine
Have you elected yourself mayor yet? Just for the heck of it. And do you allow tourists? Just now. Mayor Brent! Elected. Unanimously from all parties present :)
What’s the coolest thing you’ve dug up? I found some Chinese coins that are apparently 300 years old or so. I found some pocket-watches, old pants, dynamite boxes. All sorts of crazy stuff. Here is photos of some
Most of the tunnels (you use another term, I forget it now) look like walking while standing up straight might be an issue. How high is the ceiling in the easier to get to places? and how wide? I was watching the 'Most Dangerous' video so not thinking about that so much, but the places people might normally explore. It can be annoying. I'm 6'2" tall, so I have to hunch over in a lot of the mines. Hours of hunching over doesn't feel so good the next day! But I think it's worth it (obviously)...
What is your water access like there? You must have wells. No water! It's an ongoing issue, but I'm working on it...
What kind of temperature variation do you see at that altitude right next to Death Valley? And how are the night skies? I don't imagine you have much light pollution. So the other day it was 130 in Death Valley. A World Record I think. The Weather Channel somehow called me to ask how it was living in such inhospitable conditions. But when they called it was maybe 85 or 90 here. So I had to tell them I wasn't really in any danger.
The fact the town is at 8,500 ft really helps. It's crazy the difference, especially considering how close we are to Death Valley. The property is only 7 miles from the park's border...
Can you see Mt Whitney across the valley from Cerro Gordo Peak area or is it obscured? Yup! You can see Mt Whitney from almost all the buildings. Well, the wildfire smoke is impacting it right now, but usually. Also if you hike to the other side of the property, you have full views of Death Valley. An interesting high/low experience.
I know how to brew beer. Your town seems to be missing a brewery. Trade you brewing lessons for a stay? I'm listening...
Hello! What do you hate the most about living in the ghost town? Hmmm. I really think the positives outweigh the negatives, but lack of access to fresh vegetables and fruit is something that comes to mind. I miss my blackberries and spinach...
That video where the bar burnt down was super brutal. Were you able to salvage anything? Some things, but not that much.
The only 'silver lining' (outside the fact nobody was hurt), is that the icehouse next to the hotel was the original dump location for the hotel. So nobody has been under there in nearly 140 years. There are a lot of artifacts I hope to put in the new hotel that would have never been recovered otherwise...
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Do you think any of the metal items may be intact enough to be restored (eg. the stove, range etc)? I'm hoping the wood burning stove from the common area, as well as the cast iron stove from the kitchen. Both took a good beating, but I'm certainly going to try. Would really tie the place back together...
Have you met the people from Ghost Adventures? Yeah! Zack and crew came out and filmed here. I didn't interact with them much, but I was here when they were filming...
After reading resortdude's excellent advice and industry insight, it occurred to me that there is a flaw in his thinking: He is thinking like a resort operator. A resort operator is in the business of supplying luxury, convenience, and serving the whims of picky patrons. However, your enterprise doesn't have follow that path: In fact, it probably shouldn't. I believe you are targetting a very different, almost opposite market: What you have to offer is an authentic frontier-style experience. And that experience is far from luxurious! It's closer to camping. I wonder if a camping operator has to adhere to the same requirements as a luxury resort operator? I imagine you'd be leaning away from modern sewage systems, and toward long-drop toilets. Surely those are still legal? And rather than feeding your guests chef-made three-course-meals, you'd be feeding them baked beans, cowboy style. And who needs propane when you're cooking everything over an open fire! Or, if you want relative luxury, you could serve modern, military-style MREs. The one thing you can't escape though is the need for a large water supply. Also, I believe fire-suppression systems are not required in single-storey buildings below a certain size, provided they have multiple exits. Anyway, just some ideas. I may be way off-base, but I still think you should check out the regulations for outdoor camping operators, and see if they differ from those of luxury resort operators. Good luck! I hope to come and visit if ever I'm in the USA ; ) I think you're right. For a while we were considering a more 'resort' type thing. But it seems crazy now after being here. It will be closer to a lodge type atmosphere..
I followed you on Youtube recently and I'm a huge fan! Are you ever scared of finding a human skull in the mines? How high is the probability of finding one? Thanks for watching! I don't think it's too high of probability. If someone died back there, they probably died being collapsed by rock/dirt, so I wouldn't find their remains. If they didn't die in a collapsed, there probably was somebody with them to take them out. I can only see someone getting into some bad gas and passing out and nobody knowing where they were as an option to find someone...
Can I come up on the weekend and you can put me and my son to work? We’d bring our own tent and food etc. It would be a good trade. We get a weekend in the mountains and you get some extra hands. Shoot me an email! [email protected]
Youtube suggested me your videos and I liked them. Have you ever been in a situation of danger while exploring a mine ? Btw I have been very sad when your hotel burned down :( It was such a beautiful building. Good luck tho The closest to real danger I've had in the mines (that I'm aware of) was 2 times: 1) Early on, I wasn't paying enough attention and stepped on a board that cracked over a bit pit. Luckily not all my weight was on it and I corrected before falling. It taught me a big lesson about boards and pits. 2) recently I explored a collapsed level of the mine (the 200 level if you saw the video) getting in and out of that was really sketchy because the roof keep collapsing big rocks when trying to get out...
How's the local McDonalds? haha, far away! There is one in the town of Lone Pine. But that's about an hour away if you factor in the dirt road
I’ve been watching your videos on YouTube for a couple months now. I’ve always wondered, when you go down into the mines, (especially the recent video of the 200 level) how do you keep track of what passages you’ve gone into? Have you ever gotten lost? Thanks for watching! I haven't gotten really lost yet. I usually use a marker. For instance I'll follow the cart track if there is still track and if I leave the track, I'll leave something where I left the track. That way, I just find my way back to the track. Not a perfect system, but works for me
I follow you on tiktok! Have you found any denim yet? And also has any old dynamite gone off down there? Lastly, what is the weirdest thing you have found down there? I've found some denim, but not THE denim. As in, not Levi's jeans yet. No dynamite has gone off yet, or I wouldn't be typing this...
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The denim is in the cribbing! My friend and his mining partner discovered the oldest blouse known to exist and sold it to the Levi’s company. He had to free climb up the cribbing (stacked waist rock wall) about 80-100 feet. He saw a glimpse of blue from his light and reached his hand between the rocks. Pulled out the blouse but one of the sleeves ripped off. They sold it for a lot of money. Best of luck! Damn, getting this type of tip at this time of night. I feel like I need to abandoned this and get into the mines ASAP
Wait didn’t you show up on Sam & Colby? Indeed. They came out and explored. I like those guys
I was watching your video where you and a friend (I assume?) were exploring a certain floor of a mine that had collapsed where 4 miners died I believe you said. The entrance had collapsed but you found another way in? Where are those dead miners? Were they on the floor you managed to enter? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see if you could find them? I remember you said you will make sure nobody ever goes there again after you visited it The 200 level of the mine. It was probably closer to 30 miners. They died in a collapse, meaning under a bunch of rock and dirt. So I don't think we'd see the bodies. When the accident happened a lot of people tried to rescue them but couldn't, so I don't really want to go digging around to disturb them.
Here is an article that mentions it:
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2006-oct-08-me-then8-story.html
"Cerro Gordo’s deadliest mine disaster struck in the early 1870s when a cave-in killed at least eight and as many as 35 Chinese miners. They were mining in limestone below the 200-foot level and failed to shore up the tunnel with timber, former Cerro Gordo mining foreman Fred Fisher told a Times reporter in 1950. Their bodies were never recovered."
How are the goats doing? Love your videos! Goats are good! They're getting bigger and expanding their territory around the town. I'd like to train them to free roam and come back to a bell or something. But haven't nailed that yet...
Doubt he's still here but perhaps someone else can answer this: What is the legality regarding appointing yourself mayor, writing your own town constitution that allows you to hold the offices of mayor, secretary, etc etc, at the same time, and then create city wide ordinances that are favorable to your life style? You know? I'm still here! Where am I going? Not too much else going on Sunday in a ghost town haha. I think the county still has some jurisdiction over a lot of that, but I could try. I've also watched a documentary on 'sovereign nations' where they basically declare themselves their own nation within a different country. But you raise a good point and one I should look into more.
Do you ever hope to make money out of this town? i.e. maybe the bare minimum you'll need to survive? Or are you looking to live completely without money at some point (from the land etc.)? I hope eventually the town covers it's own expenses (and mine). But I didn't get into this to make tons of money.
Was your town ever on the show ghost adventures? If so do you think it’s haunted? It was! I actually sleep in the room they think is haunted by two children ghosts.
I don't think it's 'haunted'. Is there spirits or paranormal activity? Maybe. But if so, I think they're more curious than anything...
This is great! Good for you! I remember seeing this for sale at one point. Questions ( sorry if they have already been asked)... 1. Does Amazon deliver there/do you get mail? 2. What kind of wildlife is out there ( lizards? Snakes?) 3. Are you finding lots of photos to guide your restoration? Again...I’m so glad someone bought it who is interested in restoring it. I’m going to check out your videos. 1. No! I have a PO box in Lone Pine, which is a little over an hour away. 2. Bobcats, rabbits, birds. Not too many snakes because of elevation. 3. Yes, luckily there are quite a few photos of the town at its peak
How do the stars look at night? Insane. You can see the Milky Way, almsot every star.
This doesn't do it justice, but is a photo I took this winter...https://www.instagram.com/p/B-YQ7Tag39a/
Brent, huge fan and I’ve watched all the YouTube videos and can’t wait to see Cerro Gordo with my own eyes one day! What are your plans for exploring the mine? I saw you explored the 200 level but are there any other spots in the mine that people have not seen since the mine was active? Awesome, thank you for watching! There are a few areas that have been closed off for a long time. The one that is most interesting to me is called the "Omega Tunnel." It may actually connect to the 200 level from the outside. But the portal into it is collapsed big time. I've tried digging it out, and Robert even used 10 sticks of dynamite to try to open portal, but it's really collapsed. But it holds my imagination and I hope I can get into it one day...
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I can’t wait to see the day you get in there! If you’ve ever heard of or been familiar with FPV systems, that may be a way to send an RC truck through a small hole to explore ahead for you. (Finding the right radio frequency to propagate through the mine also helps) I’m out in Los Angeles and when I make my way up to Cerro Gordo one day I’ll bring some FPV camera stuff for you to check out. Keep chipping away at that portal though! (Pun intended) Will do! Thank you. I'll look into those more too.
What makes an abandoned town "an important part of history"? Cerro Gordo is the reason Los Angeles is what Los Angeles is today. It shaped California. It was the largest producer of silver for the state and an important part of mining history. It's just been overlooked for a long time.
Do people often come over from the back way into town? From the racecourse or teakettle junction in Death Valley? A decent amount. If weather is good, and the weekend, maybe 4 people a day?
The issue is when people come up the main road in a vehicle that barely made it up and think they're going to take the back road to Death Valley, or even worse, that they're going to take the Salt Tram road. Have you every taken that road? It's not a joke.
After getting a YouTube recommendation, I binge watched all your videos on Sunday and thought to myself "this guy should do an AMA". Synchronicity! Were you able to connect with the man who left a comment saying he was a previous caretaker in the 80s? It would be fun to hear what stories he has to offer! Oh wow, I've never seen that comment until now! Thank you for calling that out.
Are you looking to start a business like the Old west town in New Zealand had/has https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/old-west-replica-town-sale-scli-intl/index.html Is that your end game? how you raised the capital? or just for shits and giggles? EDIT: I just followed links in the CNN story I linked, and they link to YOU!! haha haha. Awesome
Will you have buzzfeed unsolved stay overnight there? I’d like to see more footage of what’s been caught on tape They had me do a little video earlier this year. I'd love to invite them up if they'd come...
Wow thats in the middle of no where. Any incentives to get people to move there? I suppose the silver is all gone if the town was ghosted? Silver vein apparently is lost. I don't necessarily want people to move here. Just visit for the weekend or so. I think the middle of nowhere nature will attract people to unwind for a bit and experience the history and natural beauty here...
Ever plan on trying to pull more gold out of any of the mines? You said in another comment you're always exploring them. *silver! Maybe, who knows. They apparently lost the vein and there isn't enough left to make it financially viable. But you never know
Have you thought about mining silver? Just for fun? I'd like to refine small batches of the ore still here to make jewelry or something for the town...
Are there tailings piles around the mines? Have you found any interesting mineral specimens in the mines or otherwise? Yeah! Huge tailing piles. I just went through them Friday for a while looking for rocks. Found a bunch of galena (which is what they were mining here), smithsonite, turquoise, and some other stuff...
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Awesome! Would love to see some over on rockhounds! Would you ever consider allowing access to the piles? I greatly appreciate the people who are generous to allow collecting on their property. (Though I can certainly understand why a lot of people do not, some folks just don't know how to behave) I live in NC and have not yet been west but I hope to some day soon! I let people come. There is a Gem & Mineral Society in Lone Pine and they did their 20th annual dig up here this past weekend. I have an appreciation for rocks that is growing now that I have the town...
Been loving the videos. Any sketchy things happen on the 200 level we didn’t see? My condolences to the american hotel. How big of a challenge will the delivery of rebuild materials be? The 200 was really weird. I filmed all that on my iPhone where usually I'd use my GoPro or Sony. Both of those were dead (I had just filmed a different video), so I used the iPhone. So whenever I saw something, I had to consciously think to take out phone and record. I didn't always do that because I was so in the moment taking everything in. There was a lot more dynamite in the area where I talk about dynamite. But just didn't think it was interesting to show 5 minutes of just dynamite.
Getting supplies up here is tough. That is the logistical challenge I'm thinking about right now. We need to get a loader and/or backhoe up here, but you can trailer it up. So we have to walk it up the mountain, which will take a whole day and who knows how much fuel...
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How’s the water situation? Pump back running? Really great for the towns people to help get that going for ya. I’d freak out in the elevator. And in the mine in general knowing there’s 32 souls down there. Every noise would have me on edge. Can’t wait to visit. Pump was running, but it stopped yesterday again. So we're going to go back down this week to see why that is happening. Hopefully it's something easy to fix...
The cage definitely is freaky. Even after being down it a few times...
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2020.11.25 23:15 Disastrous-Kale-913 OCs Written Down, as I can't draw but want to contribute.

I would like to see what types of characters people have come up with. I will give a few of mine, feel free to post yours. Be respectful and if you cant draw (like me), describe your character(s) verbally, like I do. You can write a background and how they relate to other characters if you want. Just keep it civil and within the community guidelines. I intend to add more, but this is what I have so far.
OC 1:
Name(s): Magnus Mortem, Uncle Magi.
Titles: Magnus the Magnificent, Magnus the Magician, Overlord Magnus.
Occupation(s) in life: Formally a conman, Magnus quickly saw how his schemes ruined countless lives after conning a rich widow, who took her own life because of the scheme. Magnus tried to pursue a more honorable career as a magician, and swore not to go back to his old ways, but the damage had already been done, his soul marked for Hell.
Date and cause of death: Ironically, it was not a freak accident or time's inevitable march that killed Magnus, but a con-woman, who after marrying him, stabbed him in his sleep. Has since been wary of romance, fearing betrayal, and a broken heart. 1867.
Appearance: Black Tuxedo with Purple accents, pale skin, purple eyes, when angered, the eyeball becomes black and the Iris resembles that of a reptile's. Looks like a pale human, a rarity among demons.
Abilities: A wide arrange of magical abilities and a skilled manipulator, Magnus can usually use his charisma to get out of a situation. Failing that, which is rare, he can easily take down most if not all attackers simultaneously, and can escape or break into even the most secure locations.
Personality/relationships: A Gentleman, one would think he doesn't deserve to be in hell. Often interrupts the activities of demons seeking to take advantage of others. Is charming towards those of the fairer sex, many female demons swoon over him. He does not engage in intimacy, thinking that most are just out to either use him or to gain power. He ingratiated himself to the Magnes, quickly become an extension of "the family". Is the Uncle of Charlie. Is mad at Lucifier's lack of support for Charlie's plan. Is one of the few men that Vaggie trusts. Niffty and he are polite to one another, while Husk is in awe of Magnus's drink mixing, knowledge, and consumption. Angel Dusk once tried to force himself onto Magnus, until Magnus snapped his fingers and hypnotized Angel into a shy french maid, who cleaned up Angel's room and threw out his "Contraband", much to Angel's horror. Angel has since been wary of Magnus. To add to his authenticity as a performer, Magnus has bracers the suppress a demon's magic, so that he can perform tricks without using actual power, much to the bewilderment of Vaggie, Angel, and Husk, and the joy of Charlie and Alastor. Though they appear friendly to one another, Magnus has made it clear to Alastor that if he harms Charlie in any way, Magnus will make sure he lives long enough to experience being fed to Lucifier's hellhounds. Alastor, secretly, is afraid of Magnus. Has joined the Hotel supposedly to be the resident entertainer, but really to be close to Charlie, and to keep her safe, come Hell of Holy Water...
OC 2:
Name(s): Glitch, Glitchy
Titles: Exterminator, Unit 304567
Occupation(s) in Life: Unknown
Date and Cause of death: Unknown
Appearance: A damaged Exterminator Angel, with broken horns and no halo. Wears a hooded robe to conceal his true form from the demons of hell. His LED face occasionally "glitches". Can change the display to show a smiling face, frowning face, or a confused face.
Abilities: Able to summon a wide arsenal of angel weapons, from knives to spears. Is also highly competent in hand to hand combat, and possesses enough strength to break the hands of most demons. When not hidden by his robes, Glitch's wings enable him to fly. While he has no memories of his life before being an Exterminator, Glitch has extensive knowledge of heaven, knows the designations of over 1,223,217,000 exterminator "units", including "Unit 10666", who he claims is Vaggie. Has an Eidetic memory.
Personality/relationships: Although Glitch appears naive to some, that is merely because he has not had the experience before, or a subroutine prepared for a situation. He recently became disconnected from the Exterminator network, though has harbored independent thoughts for a long time. Venerates "Unit 10666" as the first to defy the "makers" programing. Will occasionally glitch in one of two ways, either saying a word or syllable over and over again, or have his LED face turn red and launch into a speech about how he will "righteously" slay the demons of hell in the name of God, etc. Both can be "fixed" by a swift blow to the head, either delivered by himself or someone else. Glitch will apologize(or thank the individual who came to his aid), and then continue where he left off. Refers to Charlie as "Miss Charlotte" and sees her as "a true angel", and is willing to protect her no matter the cost. Is friendly towards Angel Dust, and enjoys playing pranks with him, though not if it is harmful to Vaggie or Charlie. Engages in word play with Alastor, who he sees as the ideal guide to life in hell, and Alastor has a soft spot for the fallen angel, seeing as they are both willing to make certain demons suffer (not that Alastor would admit that, ever, to anyone). Polite to "Miss Niffty" and will often ask questions to Husker, much to Huskers annoyance. Seeks the approval of Vaggie, sometimes referring to her as "sister", which angers Vaggie, who either doesn't want to, or actually doesn't, remember her time as an exterminator, if it happened at all. To avoid conflicts, Glitch will simply call her "Vaggie". Is highly protective of his "friends" and sees the yearly Extermination as wrong. Though he doesn't have faith in most demon, he has faith in Charlie, and seeks to assist and please in anyway possible (apart from intimacy).
OC 3:
Name(s): Simulare, Simon Simulare
Title(s): The Faceless Demon, The Actor, Agent Simulare, Sir Simulare
Occupation(s) in Life: An MI6 agent turned actor, Simulare was a master of disguise, deception, and leaving no evidence of his presence. His many clandestine missions on behalf of MI6 earned him his fate in hell.
Date and Cause of Death: Retiring at an early age, his promising career as an actor is cut short when he was killed by muggers on his way home. His last thoughts in the land of the living were not of pain or anger, but of confusion, summed up with a single question, "Since when were street thugs armed with suppressed Walther P99s?". Classified.
Appearance: When not using his abilities, Simulare will appear as a pale white humanoid in a tailored suit, with no facial features, and hand have no finger prints. Has a mouth cannot be seen until it is open. While it does not open to speak, can be used for food and drink. When going into "full demon mode", his body and limbs will stretch and a maw of razor sharp teeth will open up where his "face" would be. Hands become long claws.
Abilities: While all demons technically can shape-shift, none can do it like Simulare can. He can look like anyone, and given enough time and research, can convincingly impersonate anyone, to a certain point. He cannot mimic abilities or memories, so the mentioning of private experiences can be used to determine if he is impersonating someone. That being said, if something about an individual is recorded, written down, or filmed, he will find a way to get his hands on it to make his impersonation as perfect as possible. He can also change the composition of his body, making blades of metal out of his arms, or into a liquid to move through a vent or grate. He is also armed with twin Walther P99, with the barrels engraved with the words "Manners maketh the man" and carries suppressors to compliment them. Is an expert in various forms of hand to hand combat, and is experienced in weapons, from knives to rocket launchers. Has an Eidetic Memory.
Personality/relationships: In life and in death, Simulare endeavors to keep things professional. Since his death, however, he has become increasingly paranoid, finding trusting people difficult. When Charlie approached Simulare with the invitation, he was wary, but has since warmed up to her sunny disposition. Has a respect for Vaggie, and has offered to teach her some of the things he knows about blades. Once was showing off his shapeshifting abilities the others when Angel Dust walk in on him as Valentino. Angel's subsequent panic attack led to Simulare promising to not look like Valentino again without Angel's permission or knowledge. Will occasionally assist Nifty by lifting her into hard to reach places. Appears to be unable to get drunk, enabling him to out drink even Husker, and can play any card game (he has to wear a face after beating everyone 5 times in poker, so that they might have a chance to see his tell). Is friendly to Alastor, who views him as a fellow performer. Simulare doesn't fully trust everyone, but, like with Charlie, he is opening up little by little. Despite his usually professional demeanor, Simulare is not above having fun, and will often use his shapeshifting to play harmless pranks. While technically not an Overlord, Simulare is renowned throughout Hell, a skilled assassin, spy, and infiltrator, using his abilities to get in and out of any situation before anyone knows that he was there. Despite this reputation, only a select few know that he exists and is not a rumor, having never shown his true form to anyone in Hell until now. At least, anyone alive.
submitted by Disastrous-Kale-913 to HazbinHotelOCArt [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 18:32 ketura Julian Jaynes, Tulpas, and the Accidental God

(it was suggested to me that I cross-post this from /mormon, so here I am.)
TL:DR exploration of a potential systemic explanation for why people believe in spiritual experiences.
I was raised Mormon, although I wasn't isolated from other cultures like some were, particularly once the internet took off. It seems I've always found myself surrounded by atheists, and over time couldn't ignore the steadily growing pile of observations and "plot holes" that eventually led to me deciding enough was enough. Regardless, for a long time afterward there was just a single strand of doubt remaining that made me wonder if I might have steered wrong: my memory of spiritual experiences.
I was a true believer. I prayed hard for answers and guidance, felt deep, almost external shame when I failed to live up to divine principles, and more often than not needed to lean on God for the willpower to Do The Right Thing, when I knew what I had to do but couldn't force myself to take the leap. On good days I tried to listen hard to directions from the spirit, wondering what seeds my actions might sow if I was willing to be the hands of an absent diety. My repentence was always a swell of determination to sacrifice in the name of building heaven around me, and my failures always a crumbling disappointment, not just for myself but dread that heaven couldn't possibly be built on earth if it had to be done through flawed and inconsistent proxies such as myself.
So I have many spiritual stories of my own, of when I followed the guidance of God in spite of my own reservations. In hindsight these were not always to my own benefit but almost always I was forced to admit that it comforted someone else or in some way was just a shadow of a reflection of what heaven could be, if I just learned to do those things on my own without being led by the hand each time.
So how, I wondered, could I have possibly witnessed these experiences if neither God's church nor God's word was true? Whence God's guidance, if God himself did not exist?
It's pretty easy for the lifelong atheist to shrug and say "self-delusion". But I was there! And for how much I had to struggle, to wear myself down until I was willing to listen to promptings, that certainly didn't seem to me like merely lying to one's self or sweeping an inconvenient question under the rug. There was conflict where I knew what God had to say and could not for the life of me overcome my akrasia to do what I knew had to be done.
Even after distancing from the church, I never liked when ex-mormons used terms like "con-men" and "scheming" and otherwise implied that the entire enterprise was a conspiracy for control and power, because it seemed to me on the ground that every person I worked with were all struggling with the same conflict I was. Everyone was embarrassed to admit when they ignored the spirit's promptings, and could always point to how well things turned out when they just got over themselves and listened.
But finally I tripped upon the answer. And in putting the pieces together I was able to understand not just how I might have been fooled, but how millions of people have consistently, repeatedly been fooled without realizing it, even those at the top. Even Joseph Smith and other early leaders to an extent--its impossible to overlook some of the things they said and did as anything but self-serving, but it's also hard to come to any conclusion but that they drank at least some of their own kool-aid.

Julian Jaynes

Julian Jaynes was a philosopher with a crazy, out-there theory that I'm still not quite convinced is wholly correct, but in proposing it he has at least uncovered something, even if the rest of his theory is more fan-fiction than reality.
I will link some more in-depth links at the end on the subject, but the summary is that Jaynes proposes that bronze-age humans took the idea of gods seriously. Not just "I'm going on a mission" seriously, but to the point that they were convinced that they heard and conversed with the gods regularly.
You see, we all hear voices. Well, at least one anyway: as you read this, you've got an inner monologue, don't you? Your brain has over the course of your development produced an ego which has been such a constant companion that you think of it as you, and it's reading these words in whatever voice you associate with your ego.
Jaynes notes that various mental illnesses can cause the brain to hallucinate plenty of other voices, some that are even consistent and have separate personalities. Well, if all healthy brains produce one voice, and sick brains can produce many voices, then what are the odds that one voice is the limit that a healthy brain can produce?
Jaynes claims that anciently, no one thought of voices as sickness. After all, that guy across the street didn't "hear voices", he heard Athena. And as for you, well, you were more of a Haphestus guy yourself, but you could still respect if your neighbor felt the need to tell you something Athena wanted to pass along. Who are we to deny the gods, after all?
Jaynes continues with a series of assumptions tying this theory into the Illiad and the bronze age collapse, and it's fascinating, but rather speculative. The important part for our purposes is the question: if the brain can produce a single voice/personality/ego entirely accidentally as part of the process of growing up, then what happens if you attempt to build a second one?
After all, you don't remember learning your first language, you just did it. With effort and study, however, as an adult you can whip the reigns and learn a second or third language. So what's the equivalent for egos?

Tulpas

Well some people on the internet have taken this idea and ran with it. The alternate egos that one can supposedly coerce into existence are called tulpas, and the process of making/managing them is whimsically called tulpamancy. There are entire communities based around experimenting with this concept and swapping war stories and methodologies.
Of particular interest to me is the fact that once spawned, tulpas are never entirely in the control of the host. They are an alter-ego, after all. As far as anyone can tell, they utilize the portions of the brain that are responsible for modeling other people, and so a certain amount of co-independence is part and parcel of the process.
Before I draw the conclusion that some of you have no doubt already pieced together, I want to present a list of steps that I found in one of the tulpamancy tutorials. See if you find anything that sounds familiar:
In your mind, conceive of a thing, abstract: a sphere, a Cone, a Cube, a feeling, anything you can label abstractly. This is your agent. This is your mental representation of an agent.
Start thinking at your agent. Narrate your day. Give them a (temporary) name (Sphere-y, Cone-y, Cube-y).
Ask them questions about things you’re doing.
Pause, take a moment to wait for answers
Ask them if they like the temporary name you gave them
Eventually, you might start to get a slight pressure in your head. This is OK, this is a sign that your brain is allocating the neurons and routing them around. This phase may take a few days.
As you’re narrating, listen for responses. Eventually, you’ll feel them. They’ll be quiet, small, impressions even. It might take a while, but eventually, it won’t be direct-you. This process can take anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks. Just have to be persistent. Don’t stress over “is it me or is it <>”. Continue interacting with them in your mind and eventually you’ll get a good feel for what your agent’s responses are like.
I'd like to posit that this sounds to me like the back half of just about every conversion story I've ever heard.
Someone has some big coincidence occur that makes them immediately wonder if God exists, they attempt to pray earnestly for the first time, calling out God's name, asking questions, begging for a response and listening.
They begin to speak to this being, assuming it is hearing. Believing it is hearing. Having faith that it is hearing.
Between the sheer effort, concentration, time spent, and a sense of mortality and urgency, the brain relents and responds with what the individual is listening for:
Peace.
Tranquility.
Fortitude. Strength. Presence. Power. Confidence.
Most people don't go into this process expecting or anticipating they hear a literal voice, so it's no surprise that the response falls back on our cultural expectation: an impression, a feeling, an interaction through a mirror, darkly.

The Accidental God

One of the very first stones that began the avalanche down faith mountain for me was a realization about my "burning bosom". Most Mormons are familiar with the scripture:
But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right
I never had a burning in my chest. Everyone always brushed this aside, saying that God speaks to everyone a little differently, and part of your spiritual journey was figuring out how God spoke to you.
For me, the sensation I decided was my burning bosom was a feeling of warmth and goosebumps, running down from the base of my skull to the middle of my back.
One day, I accidentally discovered I could trigger this physical sensation manually.
I flinched away and buried that information as hard as I could inside my head. But to this day, with a moment's effort, I can trigger the wave of warmth and sensation, almost like a towel has been draped over my shoulders straight out of the dryer.
You see, I'm fairly well convinced at this point that I, throughout my youth and young adulthood, accidentally allocated part of my mind to simulating what I thought God was. I made a tulpa. That part of me needed a way of communicating my burning bosom to me, and this was the method it figured out.
You see, God was real. He just wasn't living in heaven.
My grandmother has a very touching story of her conversion. She was raised Catholic and later turned atheist along with all of her siblings, but then at a later date turned back to God after a pair of coincidences that she was convinced proved that someone was out there watching over her and her children.
Reviewing it, I can all but pinpoint the exact moment that she accidentally invented God, after hours on her knees.
How many millions of Mormons mention "going through the motions"? I think in this case, the motions that we're taught to go through actually can produce an effect, and this is the ultimate source to all (or most) of the earnest spiritual experiences we all hear about (or remember).
After all, roll 12 million dice every day, and it won't be uncommon for some of them to land on 6 at a very peculiar time.
Of course, no one keeps tracks of all the times it came up 1, but that's Confirmation Bias 101.

Slaying God

Tulpamancers sometimes mess up. When experimenting with something as maliable and adaptable as the human brain, some people fumble the creation and end up with a tulpa that is entirely unhelpful or distracting. If nothing else works, the host must begin the process of undoing their creation--killing the tulpa, as they say.
Mormons actually know what this process is, and can tell you how to do it, if the question is framed properly. It basically boils down to making a concerted effort to ignore the tulpa. Just as the brain brought it into existence due to an excess of attention, a dearth of attention will cause it to allocate those resources elsewhere, until the tulpa no longer exists in any meaningful fashion.
In the case of a God-tulpa, that means ceasing to pray, ceasing to ask it for advice, and making decisions as if it had nothing to offer.
Or, as Nephi would say:
Ye are...slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words;
Nietzsche declared that God is dead. I can confirm, because I watched him die.

Conclusion

Every so often I still get the fleeting thought that I've gone wrong, my lifelong training suggesting that this is all some satanic trick that I'm going to regret once the afterlife comes around.
When that happens, I think about what I would do if God spoke to me right then. If I received a divine revelation, irrefutable proof of the existence and inevitability of heaven. Return to the church, sure. Push harder than I have ever pushed before, decide to give up my earthly dreams in lieu of a heavenly reward.
And then I ask God if he will provide an answer. Once upon a time, I would have an uneasy ache in my chest, or almost a wave of clarity come about me, telling me everything I need to know that this is the path I should walk.
But now there is only silence. A stupor of thought, if you will.
I haven't attempted to manually create any other tulpas. I don't know if I have the time or attention to spend months producing something that, frankly, would always be tainted with distrust. Perhaps if I could train it to act as a reminder for goals I actually want, but it's tough to say if it's worth the effort and indeed the risk.
As a final note, the wording of some scriptures, such as the 1st Nephi above, makes me think that on some level, Joseph Smith understood this process. He presented it as the struggle between the soul and the natural man, and I doubt he dreamed that he had invented a God of his own, but the fingerprints are there.
I wonder if his bosom actually burned. I wonder how his tulpa figured that out.

Links

Book review by Scott Alexander that does a good job of extracting the best parts of Joyce while underlining the...incongruence of some of the rest of his theories: https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/06/01/book-review-origin-of-consciousness-in-the-breakdown-of-the-bicameral-mind/
Mr Jayne's Wild Ride, a four-part article series going over some of Jayne's theory in depth, as well as discussing tulpas in some more detail: https://meltingasphalt.com/mr-jaynes-wild-ride/
Tulpa creation guide similar to what was quoted above: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/13663-tulpas-creation-sentience-and-vocality-guide/
submitted by ketura to exmormon [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 12:27 Oculusfluffy Sam Adams Guide Chapter 3 - Buwwito, AIDS, FierceDeityLynx

Sam Adams Guide Chapter 3 - Buwwito, AIDS, FierceDeityLynx
Pastebin entry: https://pastebin.com/QwpPkVUA
Previous entry: https://www.reddit.com/Fluffyhugbox/comments/jxqokk/sam_adams_pays_a_visit_to_muffin_in_hospital/

Mr. Adams' Guide to Practical Fluffs - Part 3

by Oculus
featuring art by Buwwito, AIDS and FierceDeityLynx

“Wewcom, kind mistah, to ABAP!”
A large, fairly strong Marcusmaximus fluffy usher opens the door for you, as you enter the Advocacy for Biotoy Adoption as Pets (ABAP) building. You have made an appointment with Mr Adams previously, and he has agreed to meet you. However, and because of some business negotiations, a formal meeting had to be arranged. Mr Adams has currently scheduled your next meeting with him between two high profile business negotiations, so, and in order to free up some time, the appointment had to be scheduled under the guise of “discussing ABAP business.” You are currently dressed formally, in a business suit, complete with tie and leather shoes.
As you step into the ABAP building, you see various people, with their fluffies, walking to the different sectors on the ground floor. There's a fluffy cafe nearby, as well as a small veterinarian clinic. There is even a shelter for people to pick rescued and rehabilitated fluffies from all corners.
~Buwwito~
And at the centre of it all stands a statue of a fluffy, hugging a bunny.

Sheila (Artist:Buwwito)
You speak to the receptionist. She informs you that Mr Adams will come down to meet you at the foyer. As you wait in the centre of the foyer, you decided to take a good look at the statue. You can recognize its breed. It is a Buwwito. Buwwito's are a bit larger and more rotund than Carpdime's and are suggested to be one of the Type 1 fluffies descended from the lines like the Marcusmaximus. You recognize it because, you had a Buwwito just like it.
Though the figure is of metal, you could see the genuine concern and anguish of the Buwwito, as it hugs its stuffed toy, now forever immortalized in gold-plated cast-iron. The detail is painstaking, as you noticed the simulated "tear" and “cotton” fluff coming out of the statue of the stuffed Bunny, and the Buwwito crying, hoping that its immortal hug will fix the visage of a stuffed rabbit toy. The exhibit is covered within a glass cube and has cameras surrounding it - one too many abusers who had nothing better to do had attempted to deface the statue and had to be deterred by security rather forcefully.
You are in awe of it because, you wonder to yourself, why such a statue of such a simple moment? Why even make a statue of a fluffy hugging a damaged stuffed toy?
"That was my Buwwito."
You turn around and see Mr. Adams. Like you, he’s well-dressed. He’s a little tired, and you can see the eye bags forming from a sleepless night. But, ever the optimist, he retains his youthful smile. You shake his hand and greet him. And then, you ask him.
“Why such a statue?”
Mr Adams smiles, as he reminisces.
“Sheila was a Buwwito I had many years ago.
I had Sheila when I had my first daughter.” But you’re not even married, you remarked in your thoughts rather snidely.
“Fluffies had only been out for about half a decade, and she wanted one very badly. I remember there was a day when my daughter had torn her stuffed bunny and just threw It away. I bought the stuffed bunny for her for Christmas, and within a month, she already tore. However, because Sheila was also fond of the bunny, she started hugging it. She kept saying
“Huuhuu! Stuffy fwend haff owwies! Nee’ gib huggies! Huu!”
That image stuck in my head.”
“Why?”
“I find fluffies to be endearing. I love fluffies. Some of them may seem incredibly stupid, and are overly dependent on their human masters, but, when you take good care of them, they have the kindest of hearts. Yes, Sheila couldn’t fix that bunny. But she wanted to. And even when my daughter wanted to throw it away, she still saw the value in it.
So when I had the stuffed bunny fixed, Sheila was ecstatic. And the bunny lasted longer under Sheila than it did under my daughter.”
A team formed on Sam’s face. Taking out a handkerchief, he wiped it off, and maintained a brave composure as he said his closing line on her.
“Sheila had it until the day she died.”
Feeling a little moved, you interjected, “Buwwitos really are something, huh?”
“They are.”

Buwwitoes at play (Artist:Buwwito)

Mr Adams keeps walking, as he takes you to the fluffmart on the first floor. While walking along the way, you glimpse various artworks of fluffies. You eye a picture of a Buwwito family at play. The stallion, an alicorn, is chasing his Earthie special friend along with his various foals, who too are trying to catch the mother. While admiring the painting, Mr Adams feels its appropriate to chime a little fact.
“There aren’t many Buwwitos left in the world.”
“Really?”
“Yes. They are a well-known breed, but only a handful were distributed by Hasbio back in the day. As such, a lot of Buwwitos that exist amongst breeders and in the wild are very watered down. A Buwwito you currently own is most likely a Carpdime or a Marcusmaximus.” Mr Adams sighs a bit, as he continues, “Those two lines have also been discontinued.”
“Is that always the case, that a line of fluffies would be discontinued by Hasbio while they introduce new ones?”
“Seems to be. There’s a reason why no new pure Carpdime or Marcusmaximus has been released by Hasbio to the public in recent memory.”
You raise an eyebrow. “For a person who claims to be independent of Hasbio, you seem to know A LOT about the fluffies they directly genetic engineer.”
Mr Adams gives you a vague grin. It seems almost sinister. But, and due to your friendship to him, you can’t help but feel its genuine. “I have my sources.”
The two of you enter the fluffmart, and see the various breeds that ABAP has on sale. In the past, Fluffmarts have included options to amputate and turn store-bought fluffies into pillowfluffs, but ABAP has actively campaigned against the practise. Most Fluffmarts now, especially those run by ABAP, do not have pillowfluffs.
“I’ve never seen this many breeds of fluffies before!” you gasp in awe.
“There’s a lot I have to show you,” Mr Adams smiles, as he notes, “We have currently estimate at least a 100 different breeds of Fluffy Ponies had been created directly from Hasbio over the past decade. And the number may grow, even if they may discontinue some older breeds.
But I’m not here to show you all of them. I’m in this fluffmart just to show you one last little fact about Buwwitos.”
Mr Adams takes you to the Microfluffy aisle. There, you see various fluffies in little nutrigel enclosures, creating pathways through the nutrigel. You also see some sturdier microfluffies in little cages, acting like hamster-sized versions of the fluffies you know. Sam takes you to an area within the aisle, that has a breed of micofluffies at a price higher than the ones you had just see.

Buwwito's Guide to Microfluffies Part 1 (Artist:Buwwito)
“These,” he introduces, “are Buwwito Microfluffs!”
“I know what Microfluffs are-”
“Yes my dear friend, but Buwwitos were the first line of Microfluffs that were released! Microfluffs were an evolution of the earlier Toy Fluffy line of miniature fluffies that Hasbio created with the Coalheart breed.” ( >>9062 )
“So you’re saying that Buwwitos were the first microfluffs made?”
“Yes. But even then, the genepool is a bit watered down,” bemoans Sam. “Trying to recreate the original Buwwito microfluff is difficult, even with extensive breeding and engineering. Plus, it is not really good to have to pure a pedigree. It’s a reason why Buwwito microfluffs are so rare. And, sooner or later, they might go extinct.”
~
You want to keep gawking at the Buwwito Microfluffs, but Mr Adams urges to move quickly.
As the two of you move, you felt obliged what breed that Sam wanted to show you next, and why he couldn’t just show it to you in the mart.
“Well, today, we’re going to look at three breeds connected to the popular Carpdime breed. The Buwwito breed is often seen as an influence on Carpdime breeds mainly through cross-breeding. The next two breeds we’re going to see were developed from the Carpdime breed.”
“Yeah, okay, but where are we going exactly?”
“We’re going to Sweden.”
Raising an eyebrow at the incredulity of the idea, you ask “Why Sweden?”
“For the next breed, I feel it makes sense to go to its country of origin.”
Mr Adams takes you to a large glass elevator and presses a white button with the number “13” on it.
“We’re going to the 13th floor.”
“What’s there? A helipad?”
“No, that’s on the 30th floor.”
Upon arriving at the 13th floor, Mr Adams guides you, down the corridor. You take a quick peak at the labels placed on the rooms. “Food toxicity review – No Fluffies Allowed”. “Fluffy Polymer Research – Shear with care”. This had to be an R&D section of ABAP. Mr Adams directs you to a room that says “Energy-Matter Transfer Research”, with another label below it that reads “Now using: Fluffsplosion.”
Stepping inside, you see various men working on various equipment and computers, as well as a spectrometer. Nearby, you see a few carboard boxes. They’re all sealed. However, these cardboard boxes are all wired to a door at the centre of the room. Bizarrely enough, it’s a normal looking wooden door.
“We’re going to be using that door.”
“How exactly are we going to go to Sweden through this door?”
“Just step into the damn door.”
As you walk towards the door, you hear Mr Adams say, “Fire up the spaghetti machine!”
A bald-headed scientist flicks a switch. Some of the boxes rumble. Out of one of them you hear the unmistakable sound of an excited fluffy saying “SKETTI!”
You grasp the handle. You lower it. Sweat is dripping down from your forehead.
You open the door.
~
You can’t believe your eyes.
You ARE in Sweden. You are right in the middle of the busy streets of Stockholm.
“How… Wha… what the fuck…”
“Welcome to Sweden!” says Mr Adams, very genially. He has stepped through the door and has just closed it.
You reached for the door handle in an attempt to get back to the ABAP Lab you just came from. However, upon opening the door, you only see the interior of an antiques shop. Feeling rather exasperated, you confront Sam.
“EXPLAIN THIS!”
“All in due time, my friend, all in due time.”
He whistles loudly. On cue, as if the whole thing was planned, a car with the ABAP logo on its side drives up, towards the two of you.
Mr Adams says to driver “Take us to Haddockspike Manor.”
~
The two of you are walk towards Haddockspike Manor. A rather luxurious looking residence, the grounds are accompanied by some magnificent lawns and gardens. However, from the distance, you feel like it’s the sort of residence that doesn’t fit in a country like Sweden.
“That’s not a very Swedish looking house.”
“Oh, and what do you expect a Swedish mansion to look like?”
Mr Adams laughs, as he explains. “This house is modelled after the central section of the Château de Cheverny, a manor in France. The French original is much larger, but the owner of this residence had chosen not to include the outer wings of the original building.”
“Just who owns this house?”
“Captain Marlin. He’s a retired shipping magnate, as well as the Head of ABAP in this region.”
“Marlin? That’s not a very Swedish name.”
“Well, his real name is quite long, so he prefers to be called Marlin for short.
Anyway, we are here because we are going to meet the AIDS which is unique to Sweden.”

~AIDS~

Upon hearing the name, images of the human immunodeficiency virus, and the much-dreaded acquired immunodeficiency syndrome flood your mind.“I’m very sorry to hear.”
Mr. Adam sighs, as he shakes his head. Angry, not at you, but rather with himself for causing the confusion.
“I meant to say that he owns an AIDS breed.”
“You’re still puzzled.
“That’s a very odd name for a breed.”
“I know right? Like, can you imagine going up to to someone and saying “I have a pet AIDS!” Or going to a pet shop, seeing a nice fluffy for your child, go home, and surprise your daughter with the message “I’m going to give you an AIDS!” for your birthday!”
“Hasbio seems to come up with the DUMBEST names for their fluffy breeds.”
Mr Adams sighs. “Its very possible that AIDS is an acronym for something. But to date, we don’t know what it is. The only person who knows is the Swedish bio-engineer at Hasbio who keeps producing the fluffy breed. He’s been rather secretive.”
~
"Festering fetlocks! Sam! Nice to see you!"
The Captain is a tall man, with very clear Aryan features of blonde hair and blue eyes. In addition to that, he possessed a thick beard, unshaven with age. As he grasps your hand, you can feel the strength acquired from a lifetime of adventuring and daring on the high seas. In the midst of these introductions, a red fluffy comes into the living room to greet Sam and you
"Huwwo mistahs! Huwwo Sam!"
"Hello Erik," smiles Mr. Adams, as he introduces you to the fluffy as well. You take a good look at Erik. Remembering how Type 1 fluffies like the MarcusMaximus and Buwwito look, this fluffy looks almost identical to the Carpdime fluffies. Except, perhaps a little less fat.
"Erik here," narrates Mr Adams, "is an AIDS." He sighs as he says out, very loudly, "God DAMN it. Its just too weird!" Everybody in the room laughs from the joke. You take this moment to interject.

AIDS foals (Artist:AIDS)
"He really looks like a Carpdime from up close!"
"That's because they were bred from Carpdimes!" Marlin said this with a joyful boast. Mr Adams is about to take out his smartphone, but, before he could, Captain Marlin takes out his own tablet. Mr Adams lets it slide, but you remark to yourself that Mr Adams has some competition here. The Captain shows you photos of the AIDS breed foals and fillies. They are all lacking fur, and thus, look remarkably similar to Carpdime foals.
"Some say AIDS are literally Carpdimes, but I prefer to think of them as an offshoot of the Carpdime. Or rather, an attempt to recreate the Carpdime in Sweden. But Hasbio had imported Carpdimes into Sweden eventually, so the lineage is not certain. Whatever the case, the similarity is so painstaking that we call AIDS the ‘Carpdimes of Sweden’".
"What makes them any different from the Carpdime breed then?" you openly wonder.
“Well, for one, the AIDS breed is still being produced in Sweden, whereas the Carpdime line has stopped production. Any Caprdimes you see today are mostly from breeders who bred the Carpdimes that were released by Hasbio up until a few years ago. However, since its inception, Hasbio has kept producing new AIDS fluffies fresh from their labs, though in limited quantities. In addition to that, the Hasbio-released AIDS fluffies have been restricted mostly to Sweden. You could say it is our National breed."
The Captain proceeds to sit down on a chair. Erik lays down besides his master. A butler comes in with a bottle of whiskey to serve himself. He takes a moment to pour a drop whiskey in a bowl, for Erik to drink. ( >>55734)
"I like to think that the AIDS breeds are like a more diligent Carpdime. Carpdimes may be popular, but they eat too much, and they aren't as loyal. Also, they tend to develop negative traits, such as abandoning their young if they do not have a nice smell or colour. In contrast, AIDS are very accommodating."

Shmoo finds Esmerelda (Artist:AIDS)
The Captain looks to the ceiling, as he starts to reminisce. "I remember there was this one fluffy who had found a foal, abandoned in the street. Shmoo, I think was his name. He raised the little filly like as though she was his sister. The filly grew up well and it is that sort of foster care and adoption that you don't see in many fluffy breeds.

Shmoo and Esmerelda (Artist:AIDS)
They also have a lot of loyalty. AIDS fluffies usually do not run away from their home, and, if anything, will be the first to defend their home should a feral herd attempt a lawn invasion. Of course, they will be outnumbered, but that kind of loyalty is very doglike. Reminds me a bit of the Waggytail."( >>42167 )
"But surely, because they have similarities to the Carpdime breed, that they would develop smarties?"
"Yes, they do develop Smarties, but even AIDS smarties are a bit more unusual that smarties from other fluffy breeds. Granted, you still get your typical lawn invasions from particularly aggressive feral herds, but then you have this one story.
I remember this one Smartie wanted to get food for its herd during Christmas so, it approached a family for food for its herd. The family, seeking to mock the Smartie, made a deal that it would give their leftover food to the Smartie, provided the Smartie was their entertainment for Christmas. They were a bit cruel to him, but at least they didn't torture him. However, they kept their end of the deal, and the smartie was allowed to go back to its herd, with enough Christmas goodies to last the rest of winter." ( >>43574 >>43577 >>43578)
"That sounds amazing," you gasp. "I usually don't hear of Smarties being very altruistic or self-sacrificing."
"Thats whats makes the AIDS breeds special. Even if they're descended from the Carpdime, they're not quite like the Carpdime. Its also part of our belief that fluffies can develop a level of altruism and empathy unseen in other fluffy breeds."
"Speaking of Christmas," Mr Adams said, while getting out of his seat, "you do know why I came here today right?"
"Oh yes, thats right, Sam."As Marlin says this, he passes a slip of paper to Sam.
"That's where she is currently in Berlin."
"Good. Is the Door in your house ready?
The Captain has a slightly annoyed look on his face "Bilious of abyssal abusers, do I have to fire up that infernal contraption for you again?"
You turn to Sam as you ask with a little incredulity, 'Wait, he has a teleporter here too? Just how many of these teleporters do you have?"
"Not many, my friend. And actually there's a little bit of danger with using these doors."
The Captain guides you and Sam up the staircase of his manor. He brings you to a room. You could tell that it was previously a luxurious bedroom, perhaps for a guest, but it has now been converted into a makeshift lab of sorts. You see the same apparatus that you saw back at the ABAP headquarters, but with less personnel involved. Like at the ABAP building, there is one scientist working at the machine, but instead of observing the screens, he is busy observing a little pendulum he’s holding with his right hand.
And the same cardboard boxes are there. All connected by wiring to a similar door at the centre of the room. One of them wiggles and gives a light squeak. Not a mousey squeak, but it is definitively a squeak from a genetically engineered equine with a lot of fuzzy hair.
"Is that-"
Mr Adams quickly grasps your lips in a rather uncharacteristically desperate attempt to keep your mouth closed. You are surprised he would resort to such manhandling, but then he whispers something in your ear.
"Don't say a thing a thing idiot! Otherwise you'll get all us all in trouble!"
The scientist proceeds to flick some switches, leading the boxes to rumble as you once again hear the unmistakable sound of "SKETTI!" In a very brief moment, Sam says to the Captain "Say hi to Pinpin for me!" before he grabs you by the collar, and barges through the door. Within a single moment, you have left the confines of a recreation of expensive French Manor somewhere in Sweden, and have instantaneously travelled, thousands of miles, to the bustling streets of Berlin.
"Godammit Sam! Why did you do that for?"
"Sorry about that mate, have to do this quickly or some onlooker will get curious about the door. Also, the effect only lasts a while."
"Those were fluffies, weren't they?"
Looking behind, and opening the door to make sure that it does not lead back into Captain Marlin's manor, Sam nods.
"Yes. It is part of our research into Type 2 Fluffies. However, not all Fluffies have this ability, and there's a fair amount of dangers. Not to mention, its one way: the door can randomly bring you to a specific location, but only briefly."

~FierceDeityLynx~
~A tribute to Plum, A Loving Mother~

"Alright, so we're in Germany now. I take it you finished talking about AIDS."
With a sigh of relief, mainly due to the unfortunate choice of name, Sam nods his head.
"Yes. And we're here to check out the German offshoot of the Carpdime breed - the FierceDeityLynx."
"Ah yes, that same weird name you mentioned last time."
Sam shrugs, as he continues "I have this theory that Hasbio engineers may be members of some online furry community. Maybe. There are a lot of fluffies with fairly normal or descriptive names, but a name like FierceDeityLynx, or FDL, really gives off that vibe." He proceeds to take out a slip of paper, as he notices the address. He then looks up and sees the street name. "What luck. The address we are looking for is not too far from here."
As the two of you walk down the street, a thought crosses your mind, as you say "I can understand taking me all the way to Sweden, since AIDS aren't as prolific back home, but we have plenty of FDL's back home."
"Ah yes, but we are looking for one particular fluffy of the FierceDeityLynx breed. A one of a kind. Also, only Germany has a particular morph of the FDL breed that you will not see back home." ( >> 49271 )
After some walking, the two of you reach a shop that says "Käthe Wohlfahrt". From a distance, and even though its springtime, you can see that shop sells all manner of Christmas memorabilia and trinkets Just adjacent to it, is an ABAP licensed Fluffmart.
"Speak of the devil. Looks like Hilda did my work for me."
The two of you enter the ABAP fluffmart. There you are greeted by a blonde, rather buxom woman, wearing a pink wool sweater, and denim jeans. Upon seeing Sam, she displays an excitement at seeing an old friend.
"Guten tag, Herr Adams!"
"Guten Tag, mein Fräulein!"
Sam goes up to give her a hug, and trade kisses. For a brief moment, you feel like as though Sam gave her a pat on the back. Or to be precise, a squeeze on the bum. Yup, Classic Sam Adams. As Hilda introduces herself to you, Sam explains, "Hilda here, is one of our ABAP representatives in Germany. She works throughout the EU, but she's mostly focused on Germany."
He then turns back to her, as he notes, "Hilda, I didn't expect you to open up a ABAP fluffmart all the way here!"
"Well, Sam, you said that you were looking for Plum, she just happens to be next door at that particular Käthe Wohlfahrt. We got word about her presence not too long ago, and it just so happened to be that this space here was for rent. I filed the papers, and ABAP was able to open up a fluffmart here. It is also a good thing there isn't a competing fluffmart from Hasbio or Filly in the area."
"Filly?" you ask
"Long story.
Hilda, my friend here wants to learn about FierceDeityLynx's. Does this store have any?"
"Or we have plenty, Herr Adams. But you know that most of the FDLs we have now are from breeders, ever since Hasbio Deutscheland GmbH discontinued the breed in 2017?"
"Ja, I am aware, mein fraulein."
"Herr Adams, if I may, instead of showing your friend the average FierceDeityLynx, how about I introduce him to the more unique morph of the FDL breed that you will not get back in your fatherland?"
"Oooh, so you want to show us the munchkins?"
"Ja. A breeder came in today with a fresh batch."
Hilda departs for a minute to go to a restricted area of the mart. She then brings outs a cage holding two to three munchkin fluffies. You instantly recognize their one defining feature - their shorter legs.

Munchkin Fluffies (Artist:FierceDeityLynx)
"These are like munchkin cats!" ( >>48987 )
"Ja! But these fluffies are used to their shorter legs. They were developed by Hasbio as a safer and less cruel alternative to the pillowfluff. They are pretty much similar to the average fluffy in every way, except that they exhibit a happier disposition general, and have less chances of becoming smarties. Munchkins were designed for a purely domestic lifestyle, and thus, do not ever become feral."
"With such short legs, how do they reproduce?"
"Well, my freund, you have to help them!" she says rather suggestively. As she continues. "The idea is that you hold the munchkin stallion up and help bring him towards the female. Either that, or you get the mare artificially inseminated." ( >>49039 )
"Goodness gracious, it is like these things were literally made not to reproduce naturally."
"Ja, but they don't mind. Like all other fluffies, even if a munchkin gets lonely, if you keep them adequately busy or entertained, they will never ever feel lonely."
"It seems to be that the munchkins are very much like the toy fluffies and microfluffs."
"They are something within that line of thinking, mein freund. The difference is that munchkins are much larger than those miniature fluffies and, as I mentioned earlier, they were developed as an alternative to the pillowfluff, which is a fairly violent and cruel way to treat a fluffy.
Alas, though, Hasbio stopped releasing FierceDeityLynx fluffies after a while, and with it, also terminated the munchkin programme. Any FDLs and munchkins we have today are totally reliant on approved breeders."
Liking the novelty of the munchkin fluffies, you feel inclined to purchase one. "I really like these fluffies. Can I buy one?"
"Ah, nein. I mean, you could buy them, but they're not allowed to be brought outside of Deutscheland. You could, however, purchase a normal FDL. And I think it is time I introduced you to one."
~
"Why are we going to that Christmas shop there?" you openly wonder, as both Sam and Hilda escort you out of the ABAP fluffmart.
"Well, according to Hilda, the FDL that I wanted to meet is here. And it is a very special FDL."
"Whats so special about her?"
Sam takes a deep breath, as he begins to narrate the story. ( >>49172 )
"It is rather sordid tale, but there was a time when I was visiting a friend's house in the Black Forest of Germany. That day, he had a lawn invasion by a particular violent Smartie and his herd. I tried to dissuade him, but my friend was a hunter and, with his hunting rifle, killed the smartie, as well as his toughies. The mares, with their foals on them, ran off.
He ran after to them, perhaps to finish what he started, when he found this poor brown mare not far from his house. She was bruised, bloodied, and heavily beaten. There were signs that she had been recently violated by the Smartie and his toughies. He was going to put her out of her misery when she weakly said,
"Pwease kine mistah..... hewp fwuffs babbehs."
I intervened. It turned out that the reason why she was beaten up by her herd was because she had hidden her progeny away from the Smartie, who was about to violate them. ( >>49580 >>49714 ) Feeling a sense of pity for her, my friend agreed with me to take her to the nearest ABAP, where she was treated for her wounds, and her young taken care of. And that was the last I saw of her - I had to return home at the time."
"But her story does not end there, Sam. While being taken care off, a man one day came in, asking to purchase Plum here, and her foals. We were not keen at first, but we relented. However, Sam was very interested in finding Plum again, with that memory of her fresh in his mind. So, we combed Germany, based on the description of the man who purchased Plum that day. Then one day, Johann found him."
"Whose Johann?" you whisper to Sam.
"That's Marlin's real name, One of it."
"And it turns out, he was an owner of that Käthe Wohlfahrt. She has become a sort of mascot for that particular shop."
The three of you step into the shop. There, you are greeted by a jolly Berliner, dressed in the manner of Kriss Kringle. Next to him is a brown fluffy, wearing a bobble hat. The fluffy was busy helping the Berliner carry some figurines and boxes around the shop.
“Guten Tag, Nicholas!”
"Ah guten tag Hilda! And I see Herr Adams is with you!"
"Huwwo fwens! Mewwy Kwissmass!"
The fluffy waves to you rather genuinely. She is rather plump, with two very apparent horse breasts. It is likely that is still lactating, as fluffy mares are able to lactate even after giving birth. ( >>49228 )
"I see Plum is doing fine."
"Ja, she is Herr Adams. I heard about her story from Hilda here, and I was reminded of a brown munchkin I once owned, who died of old age. I felt sorry for Plum and wanted to raise her and her children well. But of course, her children grew up way too fast."
"What do you mean by way too fast?"
As you asked that question, Sam takes the opportunity to whip out his smartphone.
"There's one BIG difference between Carpdimes and FDLs, despite looking so similar. FDLs age VERY rapidly."

Lifecycle of a FiercedeityLynx fluffy (Artist:FierceDeityLynx)
He shows you an image of a Carpdime ageing, from birth to being a foal within a month. He then shows you the age of a FDL newborn within the same time period. Unlike the Carpdime, the FDL reaches adulthood within a month.
"T-thats fast." you remark.
"Aye. A bit too fast in fact."
"Ja, and that is why two of Plum's children, Quin and Blue were sold off. They grew up quite fast and, after a while, expressed a desire to see the world. So I brought them to another ABAP shop, and had them sold. As far as I know, they have happy owners now."
"But what of the third. What of Hazle?"
As Sam asks this, a fluffy, with a light, orange colour, comes into the shop, carrying a bundle on her back. As she comes beside Plum, she lowers, her legs, and lets Plum remove the package from her. She then hugs Plum.
"Mummah!"
"Babbeh!"
The Berliner smiles, as he dotes on the mother fluffy and her child.
"Hazle could not bring herself to be separated from her mother, so I kept her here. As such, Plum has never been lonely, as one of her children is always by her side, and is helping me run this shop.”
As he says this, Hilda feels inclined to chime in.

Plum, a Loving Mother (Artist:FierceDeityLynx)
"Aside from helping out at this Christmas shop, Plum has also been helping to raise the FDL foals that come into the ABAP fluffmart. Because she is still lactating, she provides milk, as well as motherly care to the foals we receive, and she nurses them until they are old enough to be sold. She is one of a kind, and perhaps one of the best, and most loving mothers I have come across."
As Hilda says this, Hazle takes the moment to hug her mother again.
"Fwuffy wuv mummah! Mummah am bestest mummah in whowe wowl!"
As she says this, you look at Plum. She is smiling a bittersweet smile, as a tear drops from her eye.
END OF PART 3
submitted by Oculusfluffy to Fluffyhugbox [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 11:46 jksup My family is making me choose between them and myself

I (20f) was raised by Filipino immigrants in the US. My father works two jobs and my mother works one. While they were working, my grandma came to the US to help raise the three kids. When growing up, my mom had a temper which resulted in instances of violence, mostly verbal abuse. Though sometimes it would get physical wherein once, she broke a full length mirror and trashed my sister's room when I chose my sister's advice over hers. At another time, she pulled my hair and threatened to kill herself over my losing my $20 flip phone when I was in middle school. Although, a lot of my anger towards her is with regards to her treatment of my siblings and father. She would often butt heads with my sister, at times blaming her and asking why she hasn't killed herself yet over problems outside my sister's control. My mother has always been the type to get angry, lash out, play victim and then expect the other person to apologize and move on as if no damage was done by her. At the same time, she is lonely and craves affection, forcing me to display affection. All the while, my father told me to employ the same techniques he used to survive her: keep quiet and don't argue, just go along with what she says until she's done. So different from my siblings, I instead worked around her moods, told her what she wanted to hear, suppressed whatever emotions (anger, disgust, frustration, etc) and opinions of disagreement I had, created this image of a quiet, loving, obedient, ladylike and submissive child by their standards. And because I had this image growing up, I was of course influenced by the façade such that part of it became how I actually am. It also didn't help that I did not feel room to grow with my mother and sister having such big personalities. A lot of my choices growing up was at the very least for me to appear to be someone good. Because I was obedient, patient, and "good," I was treated much more kindly than my siblings were and I would even go so far as to say I was literally spoiled materialistically, even if emotionally I was starved.
At around May 2020, I was reintroduced to a guy who I was good friends with in high school after being separated for three years. Because he lived across the country, our friendship began over the phone. We were texting from morning to night, every single day. Eventually, we began calling every day too, and then falling asleep occasionally on the phone. In July, I had some concerns towards the relationship, but I knew by then I had grown very attached to him and I was willing to go further in our relationship. As we got to more talking, it felt more and more right to be together. He never got in the way of my studies and we were so different in all the right ways. He helps teach me and guide me to be more assertive, more confident, more honest, more introspective, so much more. He influences me to grow into the person I want to be, and I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with him. When he moved to my state about a month ago, I immediately started sneaking around and even slept with him relatively soon. If the pandemic did not happen, then I would have introduced him to my family sooner in person. He pushed for me to be honest, but I insisted to continue with the deceit because it was easier than telling the truth. This resulted in multiple clumsy events where while sneaking around, I tried to get my family to accept him in one way or another, which did not work as I had hoped. Eventually, it got to the point where I had missed a family event in favor of spending the night with him. I confessed everything the next day. No one was pleased with what happened. They say that it was not wrong for me to love, but it was wrong who I chose to love. They are dissatisfied with his career in pursuing a humanities major and they feel disrespected in the way I chose to conduct myself, that it does not fit with the values they thought they raised me with. They took away my phone, car, forced me to break up with him and later had slapped and pulled/dragged my hair when I came clean about the virginity. They also cried, and continue to weep over my choices. Even my father cried, harder than when my grandma passed away a year ago. They believe that me choosing him is putting down their efforts to get me this far in life. Now I am at a turning point.
What I want doesn't align with what my family wants. I have an identity and values that are different from the ones my family has placed on me. They want me to cut him off and they are denying who I am in favor of what they want me to be. And while I have to decide if I want to ask for forgiveness from them (which involves conforming to their desires), they also have to decide if they want to get to know who I really am and not the image they have placed on me. If they don't, they risk losing me. They claim to have unconditional love for me but in telling me to cut him off, they are placing conditions on their acceptance of me. But overall I know that my parents are imperfect people who are just trying to do what they think is the right thing.
It is very clear to me that they do not have intentions of accepting that I value different ideas, and that they believe their wounds will heal if I sit back and follow them in what they think is right. I have tried reasoning with them, but they are adamant about their own beliefs. I agree that I was wrong in lying to them and that I could have respected them more if I had let them get to know him first, but I think what they are trying to enforce is unfair. They are telling me what to feel, believe, value and prioritize, when I think the main way to make up for lying is to stick by your truths from then on. So what I want to do now is move out and live my own life, whether I choose to be with him or not. Being responsible for myself, my income and my tuition expenses will help me grow from being a spoiled and sheltered girl to an actual adult. It would also help me find and solidify my own identity outside of their influence and leave me the freedom to live honestly. I don't mind giving up my materialistic comforts. I was even planning to leave everything they gave me, minus the clothes I would wear when leaving. I don't mind working a job while in college either. What is stopping me is that I still care about my reputation and my family's acceptance. If I leave, they will view me as the one who broke the family apart over something I did wrong, that it's me giving up on the family even though I explained that if I left I wouldn't cut off contact. They would view themselves as embarrassments to the rest of the extended family on some level, and I would be shunned and blacklisted in the foreseeable future, especially if my mother and father have health issues as a result of this. My mother is already having high blood pressure problems. Compared to my family, my significant other really respects and values my opinion. He provides such a warm, forgiving, and unconditional love which is the healthiest I've ever known. He does not treat me like a child, and really makes me feel the freedom to make my own choices, think my own thoughts. He also does not get angry or lash at me when I make mistakes, he always seeks to understand me and my intentions. He encourages me to reach out and try anything, even if it fails, and has been working with me through the many fears my family has instilled onto me. He would never raise a hand to beat me and he is very devoted to me. He notices things that not even my family care to notice, things that my family has influenced me to feel insecure about and judge me for. One example is me talking slow and pausing between thoughts. From him, I learned it's not because I am dumb compared to my family. It's that I am actually quite witty and quick, but I talk slower the more I consider how the other person will react to what I say. This is just one of the many examples. I admire him and what he stands for. So perhaps he's not for my family, perhaps he's not perfect, but for me, he is the ideal man I would want to love for the rest of my life. But now in my family's eyes, he has been reduced to a scapegoat for all the hurt I caused and they aren't willing to even speak with him to discuss it.
tldr; I grew up trying to look like the good child my immigrant parents wanted, even if I had to suppress a lot. I met a man I fell in love with and secretly dated him. I confessed to my parents what I did. After a lot of conflict and hurt caused by my deception, I want to move out because they are trying to enforce ideals I do not share to make me be the daughter they used to know me as. However, moving out could lead to them shunning and cutting me off for good.
What should I do? How do I take accountability without sacrificing myself and my desires? I've been trying to talk it out and discuss but it hasn't yielded any tangible results.
submitted by jksup to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 08:05 coy-coyote [noir-vember][ordeal, metaplanes] just add water (redux) <2020-11-25>

Name of Run: just add water
Background
This run is meant to explore the extradimensionality of the intersection of partially submerged metaplanes and astral rifts & gateways on the prime material.
Meet
Runners are invited to a device refurbishing shop where they receive bunk commlink prizes that immediately drag them into a chat with Chintzy.
Run
Runners are contracted to find the pump recirculation system in the SeaTac warrens. ZDT identifies the items with a matrix search; Orca follows up on this info with their SeaMetroplex contact for a R4 favor to gain access, RFIDs, and a cover for arriving at the infil point.
Orca, Soji, Bubblegum and Havoc go for infiltration set. Havoc and ZDT locksmith unpassable doors. They successfully avoid anti-tampers systems, making it to the secondary flooding control chamber and the recirculating pump.
Bubblegum and Orca can barely teamwork into the submersible frame of the pump regulation system; this gives ZDT room to start hacking that host after subverting infrastructure on the SeaTac security host. ZDT floods out one of the bathrooms systems, creating an issue of timing for the runners in the sewer cistern, as it fills with sewer water. They remedy this by activating the pump against its emergency use authorization protocols; flooding the airport tarmac with raw sewage while the runway was still active resulted in a landing jet hydroplaning across the landing strips into a row of taxiing jet liners.
Bubblegum calls down a R3 favor with Blackjack Huckleberry, a free spirit, to astral gateway the room and the device to the planes. Arriving at 'The Bar' in the plane of man, they are again accosted by astral predators, as Havoc is spotted by a nearby Croki lurking in the club who attempts to snatch him. Wise to their tricks, Orca and Bubblegum step into to drag Havoc out of the club.
Once in the endless alleyways, Bubblegum remembers to check for trashcans to find the secret portal to the Anarch Subway - nearly losing his shirt and free will to a nearby Jarl, cruising Zecocorporatum for Blackjack and Anarch spirits in need of financial respite. Bubblegum backs off from the Jarl, escaping into the subway with the rest of the team, where the pump regulator appears as a subway train.
After a stop, Bubblegum realizes that things need to happen with the Gremlins - and begins looking around the subway stops for signs, finding a commlink with a gremlin face on it during one foray into a loading platform. He breaks his leg getting back to the train in time with the commlink, but they meet the 'Tech-rupter' Gizmo the Drengfaulk, who assists commandeering the train to guide it back to the sub-plane of Malfunction, home of the gremlin queen.
In court, players ask for a few rewards before being astral gateway'd back to Seattle - in their bodies - in various random bathrooms at the Seattle Metro Dome.
Aftermath
The Gremlin queen has her hooks in Sea-Tac airport now, utilizing the offline host as a massive incubation chamber for herself. While she has cleared some data, it was more fun for her to flood out rescue teams arriving at SeaTac to deal with the mess of planes crashed.
Expenses
Orca; R4 favor, Joseph Weissman. Bubblegum; R3 favor, Blackjack Huckleberry, paid in karma.
submitted by coy-coyote to NeonAAR [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 07:40 ReferenceWise1485 Spiritual Realizations - Hades, parallels and roots, how I met my soulmate.

I just came through really solid shadow work with BIG appreciation that took me literal YEARS to understand. So it’s a little long but insight and thoughts I’d appreciate very much.
This might be a good lesson for baby witches I’ve seen under this tag asking how to “get” Hades. Be patient, reading this might provide some insight into the time it takes to develop.
Five years ago I transitioned my Roman Catholic faith combined with aggressive irish spirituality to Buddhism, where I learned as much as I could in the universe before I was compelled to learn more about my roots in Irish/Gaelic spirituality. This research is what really connected me with the broader spectrum of witchcraft practice. Me reaching witchcraft took 4 years on my spiritual journey.
I’m gonna sum the four years up pretty quickly - they were the second period of deep trauma I’ve had in my life, my first in my childhood. The past four years I’ve experienced three criminal sexual assaults, broken and abusive relationships, depression/adhd diagnosis, medical complications, and starting my own non-profit and company. A lot in four years, and on top of that I’m about to graduate college.
The most productive years of my life so far as well but it hasn’t come without plenty of karmic cycling haha. Come through to the last year and I used witchcraft to focus not only my literal and metaphysical presence in the universe outside of my body but I learned to appreciate the body I have.
I learned to appreciate my WHOLE WORTH, which is not something I realized I didn’t know to do before I started witchcraft practices that I supplemented with Buddhist meditations and physical centering. The next part of my journey I actually began five months ago.
I’ve worked on boats all my life and am training for my captains license to operate commercial vessels. I was between crews and a coworker of mine had a son who needed a mate so I hopped on his boat.
We ended up dating and the more time I spent with him on and off shore I realized how much he was demanding of me. He demanded my constant focus, respect and appreciation. Not because he verbally forced me to, but how I could see and feel his cool blue aura I knew it was needed.
His “demands” hold my eyes open wide, make my heart stronger and my physical being more energized. Constant communication about what we are feeling has lead to deeper appreciation of each other beyond our bodies and respective of our roles in the universe. We realized we were each other’s soulmates.
The past month has been incredibly hard on me - new job, stolen equipment, moving, and financial struggles have pretty much bent me over backwards on top of my course load. I broke one day with him and realized how out of balance I was with my body and the only things I had changed was I stopped my shadow work as I made more room for him in my life. Life moved along and I stopped focusing on my world wholly.
So I cleared my alter, lit a candle and began my self “reset” by meditating with the flame and recording what happened through my days to regain my clairvoyance of universal changes. I started craving pomegranates and smoking ouid, cutting out alcohol. Drinking herbal teas instead of coffee. I was altering my balance and it gave me weird dreams, weird experiences and sudden truths.
None of this dreams, experiences and truths were connecting for me. Each time I meditated to try and see through the fog blocking the connections I grew exhausted until tonight.
I was holding unakite while meditating when I heard a strong male voice in my ear asking me if I knew what I meant to be truly loved. Did I understand that I was loved, deeply and wholly. I was startled cuz it was literally in my ear but I focused and sat on it. Could I honestly say I knew that? No. I didn’t know that, because while I trust this one man in my life with my life, I didn’t trust that his love was real. The voice said that wasn’t fair, or good judgement. I wasn’t letting my partner through all of the way and it was making him lost. Which is true, he’s been struggling lately and I’ve been trying my best to be there. It hasn’t been enough though, but I knew I was close.
So I did shadow work.
I asked myself to identify my true betrayals and break them into time periods.
Units of 3 were times I believed/trusted/was secure
Units of 5 were times I was failed/fell/collapsed in disorder.
3 and 5 are numbers and patterns that reappear a lot for me. Biggest ex, I was born at 3:53 PM.
I heard the voice say “balance the scales” and I sat there and tried to understand what I could do to balance my 3s and 5s.
Good think I’m not a math major.
I looked at the clock on my computer and saw it was 11:11 and it clicked for me. 4 and 4. The balance is going to be 4 and 4 for myself and my mate.
I balanced us against each other showing where we knew we were loved, individually worthy, felt most present and felt the most growth.
I felt the male energy’s satisfaction watching me work, and I realized how much I could feel my own feminine energy swell under his gaze and I created a scale concluding where my balances were.
The male energy to match my worth was founded by reason, weighed with practice and understanding. The energy helped me see the patterns and I felt Hades watching over me.
The polarity of this energizing acceptance, awakening almost, is the biggest milestone I have made in my life so far.
My conclusion is - I am balanced, focused, and aware. It took time, but I’ve found and been guided how to continue this understanding by realizing my fragility and worth.
submitted by ReferenceWise1485 to pagan [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 05:49 Round-Membership-942 My family is making me choose between them and myself

I (20f) was raised by Filipino immigrants in the US. My father works two jobs and my mother works one. While they were working, my grandma came to the US to help raise the three kids. When growing up, my mom had a temper which resulted in instances of violence, mostly verbal abuse. Though sometimes it would get physical wherein once, she broke a full length mirror and trashed my sister's room when I chose my sister's advice over hers. At another time, she pulled my hair and threatened to kill herself over my losing my $20 flip phone when I was in middle school. Although, a lot of my anger towards her is with regards to her treatment of my siblings and father. She would often butt heads with my sister, at times blaming her and asking why she hasn't killed herself yet over problems outside my sister's control. My mother has always been the type to get angry, lash out, play victim and then expect the other person to apologize and move on as if no damage was done by her. At the same time, she is lonely and craves affection, forcing me to display affection. All the while, my father told me to employ the same techniques he used to survive her: keep quiet and don't argue, just go along with what she says until she's done. So different from my siblings, I instead worked around her moods, told her what she wanted to hear, suppressed whatever emotions (anger, disgust, frustration, etc) and opinions of disagreement I had, created this image of a quiet, loving, obedient, ladylike and submissive child by their standards. And because I had this image growing up, I was of course influenced by the façade such that part of it became how I actually am. It also didn't help that I did not feel room to grow with my mother and sister having such big personalities. A lot of my choices growing up was at the very least for me to appear to be someone good. Because I was obedient, patient, and "good," I was treated much more kindly than my siblings were and I would even go so far as to say I was literally spoiled materialistically, even if emotionally I was starved.
At around May 2020, I was reintroduced to a guy who I was good friends with in high school after being separated for three years. Because he lived across the country, our friendship began over the phone. We were texting from morning to night, every single day. Eventually, we began calling every day too, and then falling asleep occasionally on the phone. In July, I had some concerns towards the relationship, but I knew by then I had grown very attached to him and I was willing to go further in our relationship. As we got to more talking, it felt more and more right to be together. He never got in the way of my studies and we were so different in all the right ways. He helps teach me and guide me to be more assertive, more confident, more honest, more introspective, so much more. He influences me to grow into the person I want to be, and I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with him. When he moved to my state about a month ago, I immediately started sneaking around and even slept with him relatively soon. If the pandemic did not happen, then I would have introduced him to my family sooner in person. He pushed for me to be honest, but I insisted to continue with the deceit because it was easier than telling the truth. This resulted in multiple clumsy events where while sneaking around, I tried to get my family to accept him in one way or another, which did not work as I had hoped. Eventually, it got to the point where I had missed a family event in favor of spending the night with him. I confessed everything the next day. No one was pleased with what happened. They say that it was not wrong for me to love, but it was wrong who I chose to love. They are dissatisfied with his career in pursuing a humanities major and they feel disrespected in the way I chose to conduct myself, that it does not fit with the values they thought they raised me with. They took away my phone, car, forced me to break up with him and later had slapped and pulled/dragged my hair when I came clean about the virginity. They also cried, and continue to weep over my choices. Even my father cried, harder than when my grandma passed away a year ago. They believe that me choosing him is putting down their efforts to get me this far in life.
Now I am at a turning point.
What I want doesn't align with what my family wants. I have an identity and values that are different from the ones my family has placed on me. They want me to cut him off and they are denying who I am in favor of what they want me to be. And while I have to decide if I want to ask for forgiveness from them (which involves conforming to their desires), they also have to decide if they want to get to know who I really am and not the image they have placed on me. If they don't, they risk losing me. They claim to have unconditional love for me but in telling me to cut him off, they are placing conditions on their acceptance of me. But overall I know that my parents are imperfect people who are just trying to do what they think is the right thing.
It is very clear to me that they do not have intentions of accepting that I value different ideas, and that they believe their wounds will heal if I sit back and follow them in what they think is right. I have tried reasoning with them, but they are adamant about their own beliefs. I agree that I was wrong in lying to them and that I could have respected them more if I had let them get to know him first, but I think what they are trying to enforce is unfair. They are telling me what to feel, believe, value and prioritize, when I think the main way to make up for lying is to stick by your truths from then on. So what I want to do now is move out and live my own life, whether I choose to be with him or not. Being responsible for myself, my income and my tuition expenses will help me grow from being a spoiled and sheltered girl to an actual adult. It would also help me find and solidify my own identity outside of their influence and leave me the freedom to live honestly. I don't mind giving up my materialistic comforts. I was even planning to leave everything they gave me, minus the clothes I would wear when leaving. I don't mind working a job while in college either. What is stopping me is that I still care about my reputation and my family's acceptance. If I leave, they will view me as the one who broke the family apart over something I did wrong, that it's me giving up on the family even though I explained that if I left I wouldn't cut off contact. They would view themselves as embarrassments to the rest of the extended family on some level, and I would be shunned and blacklisted in the foreseeable future, especially if my mother and father have health issues as a result of this. My mother is already having high blood pressure problems.
Compared to my family, my significant other really respects and values my opinion. He provides such a warm, forgiving, and unconditional love which is the healthiest I've ever known. He does not treat me like a child, and really makes me feel the freedom to make my own choices, think my own thoughts. He also does not get angry or lash at me when I make mistakes, he always seeks to understand me and my intentions. He encourages me to reach out and try anything, even if it fails, and has been working with me through the many fears my family has instilled onto me. He would never raise a hand to beat me and he is very devoted to me. He notices things that not even my family care to notice, things that my family has influenced me to feel insecure about and judge me for. One example is me talking slow and pausing between thoughts. From him, I learned it's not because I am dumb compared to my family. It's that I am actually quite witty and quick, but I talk slower the more I consider how the other person will react to what I say. This is just one of the many examples. I admire him and what he stands for. So perhaps he's not for my family, perhaps he's not perfect, but for me, he is the ideal man I would want to love for the rest of my life. But now in my family's eyes, he has been reduced to a scapegoat for all the hurt I caused and they aren't willing to even speak with him to discuss it.
tldr; I grew up trying to look like the good child my immigrant parents wanted, even if I had to suppress a lot. I met a man I fell in love with and secretly dated him. I confessed to my parents what I did. After a lot of conflict and hurt caused by my deception, I want to move out because they are trying to enforce ideals I do not share to make me be the daughter they used to know me as. However, moving out could lead to them shunning and cutting me off for good.
What should I do? How do I take accountability without sacrificing myself and my desires? I've been trying to talk it out and discuss but it hasn't yielded any tangible results.
submitted by Round-Membership-942 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 04:26 theninjalibrarian Dating around after a breakup is not a substitute for therapy.

I hope this is ok that I post this, if not Mods please feel free to remove! You know that old saying “the way to get over someone is to get under someone else”? That’s a lie. If you are hurting after a breakup, please consider going to talk to someone about it. Breakups are tough, especially when you’ve invested so much time and energy into a man who was never going to reciprocate. You feel completely broken and devastated. It’s easy to want to find validation in another man and search and search for the right one. You want to show your ex and yourself that you really are “worth it.” Well Queen, you are most definitely worth it! And that is true. But trying to date right away when you are hurting isn’t the way to go about taking care of yourself. Don’t sign up for Tinder right away and start swiping. Take time to take care of you. Take a good break from dating and invest in yourself. Go talk to someone. I know times are really tough right now, so look up free or low cost counseling in your area. If you have health insurance, a lot of counselors accept health insurance and you can pay the co pay. Ask if they will work with you on payments. Ask if they will meet with you over Zoom or Skype so you don’t have to go into the office because of covid. Ask if they will meet with you in the evening or early morning if you work a 9-5 or something similar. If you can’t find anything affordable in your area, look at the FDS Handbook for some good reading recommendations to help you out. Also, read the Breakup Survival Guide post in the FDS Handbook as well. You deserve to be the best version of you that you can possibly be! You deserve to have confidence in who you are, to know your worth, and to love yourself. I am of the opinion that having that person there that you can talk to is a good step in the right direction.
submitted by theninjalibrarian to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 03:57 ConfidentOtter Squad Assessment Spreadsheet

Hello,
I didn't really know where to put this, or even if anyone else would find it useful but here goes. I also don't post that much and have no idea how to embed images into the post, hopefully it makes sense.
As a firm believer in starting at the bottom, my backroom staff are generally awful and so a while back, I searched online for a spreadsheet that I could export my squad to in order to get a better view than I could get in game.. Unfortunately, all of the spreadsheet tools I could find were either overly simplistic or out of date, and so I created this...lunacy.
https://i.imgur.com/gZstqU0.png
It was designed around FM20, and I'm not yet ready to submit to FM21 but hopefully it works the same. Any one care to have a look and give it some testing?
zip file containing xlsx and FM view for exporting, as well as screenshots
VirusTotal check
Screenshot guide
Google Sheets alternative
There is a readme tab (along with the screenshots) in the spreadsheet which should be read but essentially the steps are:
*1 Import the custom view to FM *2 Export your squad to a html output (CTRL+P in squad view) *3 Delete the example data in the spreadsheet (SquadExport tab) and import your export using XML import 
Once you've imported your squad once, you can just keep overwriting the output from step 2 and refresh the data in Excel. There are some weird Excel quirks to wrestle with, though, namely when you refresh the data it sometimes screws up the formulas in the WeightedParse tab. Simply select all row 2 cells and drag down to reapply them properly. You will also need to refresh the filter on the PotentialTraining tab (select and unselect Blanks) to see those properly.
Anyway, enough words. There's a list of concerns/issues on the readme tab, if anyone finds this sort of thing useful then maybe I'll fix them in the future.
Weighted Summary
- The main tab to view once you've imported your squad - Players are highlighted in green text if they are the best player in their position - [Suggested Squad] uses position ranking and age to determine where they should sit - [Original Position] is the AssMan/Coach's opinion of the players best position - [Suggested Role] uses the stat weights and role requirements to determine their best role within their position - [Potential Role] tries to use the above suggested role outside of their position, if it is significantly higher than their current position (e.g. a wingback may have defensive wingback as their best role, but if they are young enough could potentially be moved forward to a defensive winger) - [Positional Rank] orders the players from 1 (highest) to lowest based on their ability scores within their position - [Overall Rank] orders the players from 1 (highest) to lowest based on their ability scores within the squad - [Overall Rating and all attributes] uses a harmonic mean of a players weighted attributes to calculate a player's best role - Attributes with a black outline indicate the players best role, a grey outline (difficult to see and should probably just be removed) indicates a potential role 
Position Strength
- Shows the top 3 players for each part of the pitch based on their overall rating - Colours are based on some simplistic estimations of skill at each footballing level - Can be useful to see what formations might work outside of your coach's recommendations 
Individual Training
- Uses a player's suggested role from the Weighted Summary tab to determine which areas need work. - Attempts to recommend a focus for each player, based on their suggested role's weakest area - Uses a traffic light system to highlight which attributes are weakest (grey is below 5, red is below 10, yellow is below 15, and green is below 20) - Annoyingly, despite this tab being a lot of work to do, it only succeeds in pissing off your players. Could have been my terrible coaches and setup, maybe this. Either way, your may find it useful or awful accordingly. 
Potential Training
- Identical usage to the Individual Training but filtered to just those players with potential for a new position/role - Uses the Potential Role from the Weighted Summary to suggest a recommended focus based on their future role - Requires the filter on Potential Role [C] to be reset each time you load a squad in, Excel bug 
EDIT 1: I've removed the height check for target men (both wide and forward), as I had originally used centimetres for height which I don't think many use. I'll get it working with feet and inches and also apply a minimum of 12 acceleration for poachers.
EDIT 2: I've updated the spreadsheet and fixed a few formula errors so redownload if you want to use it. I've also added a variables tab to set things like minimum target man height, and what age you consider 'old'. I'm also going to strip out the training stuff and put the rest in a Google Sheets document, that might make it more accessible for everyone.
EDIT 3: Google Sheets (minus the training stuff) is working, I think.
submitted by ConfidentOtter to footballmanagergames [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 00:51 ketura Julian Jaynes, Tulpas, and the Accidental God

I was raised Mormon, although I wasn't isolated from other cultures like some were, particularly once the internet took off. It seems I've always found myself surrounded by atheists, and over time couldn't ignore the steadily growing pile of observations and "plot holes" that eventually led to me deciding enough was enough. Regardless, for a long time afterward there was just a single strand of doubt remaining that made me wonder if I might have steered wrong: my memory of spiritual experiences.
I was a true believer. I prayed hard for answers and guidance, felt deep, almost external shame when I failed to live up to divine principles, and more often than not needed to lean on God for the willpower to Do The Right Thing, when I knew what I had to do but couldn't force myself to take the leap. On good days I tried to listen hard to directions from the spirit, wondering what seeds my actions might sow if I was willing to be the hands of an absent diety. My repentence was always a swell of determination to sacrifice in the name of building heaven around me, and my failures always a crumbling disappointment, not just for myself but dread that heaven couldn't possibly be built on earth if it had to be done through flawed and inconsistent proxies such as myself.
So I have many spiritual stories of my own, of when I followed the guidance of God in spite of my own reservations. In hindsight these were not always to my own benefit but almost always I was forced to admit that it comforted someone else or in some way was just a shadow of a reflection of what heaven could be, if I just learned to do those things on my own without being led by the hand each time.
So how, I wondered, could I have possibly witnessed these experiences if neither God's church nor God's word was true? Whence God's guidance, if God himself did not exist?
It's pretty easy for the lifelong atheist to shrug and say "self-delusion". But I was there! And for how much I had to struggle, to wear myself down until I was willing to listen to promptings, that certainly didn't seem to me like merely lying to one's self or sweeping an inconvenient question under the rug. There was conflict where I knew what God had to say and could not for the life of me overcome my akrasia to do what I knew had to be done.
Even after distancing from the church, I never liked when ex-mormons used terms like "con-men" and "scheming" and otherwise implied that the entire enterprise was a conspiracy for control and power, because it seemed to me on the ground that every person I worked with were all struggling with the same conflict I was. Everyone was embarrassed to admit when they ignored the spirit's promptings, and could always point to how well things turned out when they just got over themselves and listened.
But finally I tripped upon the answer. And in putting the pieces together I was able to understand not just how I might have been fooled, but how millions of people have consistently, repeatedly been fooled without realizing it, even those at the top. Even Joseph Smith and other early leaders to an extent--its impossible to overlook some of the things they said and did as anything but self-serving, but it's also hard to come to any conclusion but that they drank at least some of their own kool-aid.

Julian Jaynes

Julian Jaynes was a philosopher with a crazy, out-there theory that I'm still not quite convinced is wholly correct, but in proposing it he has at least uncovered something, even if the rest of his theory is more fan-fiction than reality.
I will link some more in-depth links at the end on the subject, but the summary is that Jaynes proposes that bronze-age humans took the idea of gods seriously. Not just "I'm going on a mission" seriously, but to the point that they were convinced that they heard and conversed with the gods regularly.
You see, we all hear voices. Well, at least one anyway: as you read this, you've got an inner monologue, don't you? Your brain has over the course of your development produced an ego which has been such a constant companion that you think of it as you, and it's reading these words in whatever voice you associate with your ego.
Jaynes notes that various mental illnesses can cause the brain to hallucinate plenty of other voices, some that are even consistent and have separate personalities. Well, if all healthy brains produce one voice, and sick brains can produce many voices, then what are the odds that one voice is the limit that a healthy brain can produce?
Jaynes claims that anciently, no one thought of voices as sickness. After all, that guy across the street didn't "hear voices", he heard Athena. And as for you, well, you were more of a Haphestus guy yourself, but you could still respect if your neighbor felt the need to tell you something Athena wanted to pass along. Who are we to deny the gods, after all?
Jaynes continues with a series of assumptions tying this theory into the Illiad and the bronze age collapse, and it's fascinating, but rather speculative. The important part for our purposes is the question: if the brain can produce a single voice/personality/ego entirely accidentally as part of the process of growing up, then what happens if you attempt to build a second one?
After all, you don't remember learning your first language, you just did it. With effort and study, however, as an adult you can whip the reigns and learn a second or third language. So what's the equivalent for egos?

Tulpas

Well some people on the internet have taken this idea and ran with it. The alternate egos that one can supposedly coerce into existence are called tulpas, and the process of making/managing them is whimsically called tulpamancy. There are entire communities based around experimenting with this concept and swapping war stories and methodologies.
Of particular interest to me is the fact that once spawned, tulpas are never entirely in the control of the host. They are an alter-ego, after all. As far as anyone can tell, they utilize the portions of the brain that are responsible for modeling other people, and so a certain amount of co-independence is part and parcel of the process.
Before I draw the conclusion that some of you have no doubt already pieced together, I want to present a list of steps that I found in one of the tulpamancy tutorials. See if you find anything that sounds familiar:
In your mind, conceive of a thing, abstract: a sphere, a Cone, a Cube, a feeling, anything you can label abstractly. This is your agent. This is your mental representation of an agent.
Start thinking at your agent. Narrate your day. Give them a (temporary) name (Sphere-y, Cone-y, Cube-y).
Ask them questions about things you’re doing.
Pause, take a moment to wait for answers
Ask them if they like the temporary name you gave them
Eventually, you might start to get a slight pressure in your head. This is OK, this is a sign that your brain is allocating the neurons and routing them around. This phase may take a few days.
As you’re narrating, listen for responses. Eventually, you’ll feel them. They’ll be quiet, small, impressions even. It might take a while, but eventually, it won’t be direct-you. This process can take anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks. Just have to be persistent. Don’t stress over “is it me or is it <>”. Continue interacting with them in your mind and eventually you’ll get a good feel for what your agent’s responses are like.
I'd like to posit that this sounds to me like the back half of just about every conversion story I've ever heard.
Someone has some big coincidence occur that makes them immediately wonder if God exists, they attempt to pray earnestly for the first time, calling out God's name, asking questions, begging for a response and listening.
They begin to speak to this being, assuming it is hearing. Believing it is hearing. Having faith that it is hearing.
Between the sheer effort, concentration, time spent, and a sense of mortality and urgency, the brain relents and responds with what the individual is listening for:
Peace.
Tranquility.
Fortitude. Strength. Presence. Power. Confidence.
Most people don't go into this process expecting or anticipating they hear a literal voice, so it's no surprise that the response falls back on our cultural expectation: an impression, a feeling, an interaction through a mirror, darkly.

The Accidental God

One of the very first stones that began the avalanche down faith mountain for me was a realization about my "burning bosom". Most Mormons are familiar with the scripture:
But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right
I never had a burning in my chest. Everyone always brushed this aside, saying that God speaks to everyone a little differently, and part of your spiritual journey was figuring out how God spoke to you.
For me, the sensation I decided was my burning bosom was a feeling of warmth and goosebumps, running down from the base of my skull to the middle of my back.
One day, I accidentally discovered I could trigger this physical sensation manually.
I flinched away and buried that information as hard as I could inside my head. But to this day, with a moment's effort, I can trigger the wave of warmth and sensation, almost like a towel has been draped over my shoulders straight out of the dryer.
You see, I'm fairly well convinced at this point that I, throughout my youth and young adulthood, accidentally allocated part of my mind to simulating what I thought God was. I made a tulpa. That part of me needed a way of communicating my burning bosom to me, and this was the method it figured out.
You see, God was real. He just wasn't living in heaven.
My grandmother has a very touching story of her conversion. She was raised Catholic and later turned atheist along with all of her siblings, but then at a later date turned back to God after a pair of coincidences that she was convinced proved that someone was out there watching over her and her children.
Reviewing it, I can all but pinpoint the exact moment that she accidentally invented God, after hours on her knees.
How many millions of Mormons mention "going through the motions"? I think in this case, the motions that we're taught to go through actually can produce an effect, and this is the ultimate source to all (or most) of the earnest spiritual experiences we all hear about (or remember).
After all, roll 12 million dice every day, and it won't be uncommon for some of them to land on 6 at a very peculiar time.
Of course, no one keeps tracks of all the times it came up 1, but that's Confirmation Bias 101.

Slaying God

Tulpamancers sometimes mess up. When experimenting with something as maliable and adaptable as the human brain, some people fumble the creation and end up with a tulpa that is entirely unhelpful or distracting. If nothing else works, the host must begin the process of undoing their creation--killing the tulpa, as they say.
Mormons actually know what this process is, and can tell you how to do it, if the question is framed properly. It basically boils down to making a concerted effort to ignore the tulpa. Just as the brain brought it into existence due to an excess of attention, a dearth of attention will cause it to allocate those resources elsewhere, until the tulpa no longer exists in any meaningful fashion.
In the case of a God-tulpa, that means ceasing to pray, ceasing to ask it for advice, and making decisions as if it had nothing to offer.
Or, as Nephi would say:
Ye are...slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words;
Nietzsche declared that God is dead. I can confirm, because I watched him die.

Conclusion

Every so often I still get the fleeting thought that I've gone wrong, my lifelong training suggesting that this is all some satanic trick that I'm going to regret once the afterlife comes around.
When that happens, I think about what I would do if God spoke to me right then. If I received a divine revelation, irrefutable proof of the existence and inevitability of heaven. Return to the church, sure. Push harder than I have ever pushed before, decide to give up my earthly dreams in lieu of a heavenly reward.
And then I ask God if he will provide an answer. Once upon a time, I would have an uneasy ache in my chest, or almost a wave of clarity come about me, telling me everything I need to know that this is the path I should walk.
But now there is only silence. A stupor of thought, if you will.
I haven't attempted to manually create any other tulpas. I don't know if I have the time or attention to spend months producing something that, frankly, would always be tainted with distrust. Perhaps if I could train it to act as a reminder for goals I actually want, but it's tough to say if it's worth the effort and indeed the risk.
As a final note, the wording of some scriptures, such as the 1st Nephi above, makes me think that on some level, Joseph Smith understood this process. He presented it as the struggle between the soul and the natural man, and I doubt he dreamed that he had invented a God of his own, but the fingerprints are there.
I wonder if his bosom actually burned. I wonder how his tulpa figured that out.

Links

Book review by Scott Alexander that does a good job of extracting the best parts of Joyce while underlining the...incongruence of some of the rest of his theories: https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/06/01/book-review-origin-of-consciousness-in-the-breakdown-of-the-bicameral-mind/
Mr Jayne's Wild Ride, a four-part article series going over some of Jayne's theory in depth, as well as discussing tulpas in some more detail: https://meltingasphalt.com/mr-jaynes-wild-ride/
Tulpa creation guide similar to what was quoted above: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/13663-tulpas-creation-sentience-and-vocality-guide/
submitted by ketura to mormon [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 00:19 gooselives_ The Transplant's Guide to Laredo

Buen día!
Welcome to The Gateway City. You're probably reading this because you are relocating to Laredo for work. Moving somewhere new can always be a chaotic experience, but I hope this extensive guide on all aspects of Laredo living will help make your time in Laredo as memorable as mine was. Grab a Dos XX with Tajin or a Margarita and enjoy. A bit about myself: I lived in Laredo from early 2016 - to late 2017 after I graduated from college for work. I periodically go back to visit friends since I live in Houston now. I didn't make a ton of money when I was there for my flying job, but I still had the time of my life. Please keep in mind these are my opinions and thoughts from my time there. I had a blast being there in my early 20's, but I know priorities and interests change as people age, however, I've tried to be objective when writing this guide for everyone.
Mods please please feel free to pin this post to help others out down the road.

Overall thoughts:
The best way I can describe Laredo is that it's like you took a trip to Mexico, but you get to keep all the cool benefits of being in the United States. It's kind of the best of both worlds, and I found both the people and culture of Laredo to be great. There is nothing like grinding at work during the week just to make it to hang out at the pool day drinking with your friends doing Carne's (short for Carneasada aka cookouts), going out, and the afters (after parties) on the weekends. Oh, I forget to mention the food is AWESOME. Also worth noting, anyone that is not Latino in Laredo is a minority which is kind of a cool experience in itself.

The Weather:
Take a look at your weather app for Laredo right now, if it's winter you'll notice that it's probably in the 50-70 degree range. In very rare circumstances it has snowed in Laredo, but being from the Midwest I found the winters are super mild. Summer on the other hand is a whole other animal, expect hot temps in the low 100's especially in mid to late summer. In reality, there is Summer and Fall in Laredo. Fortunately, it is a normally dry heat. It can get slightly humid though if the winds are out of the East from the Gulf, but it depends on the day. It's usually sunny a majority of the time though which is cool. Your summer wardrobe will be in use 9-10 months of the year.

Where to live:
Like anything this depends on your budget, however, Laredo is a very affordable city when it comes to renting and buying. I lived off Bob Bullock Loop and 359 (Southside). Like anything, economically driven rent in the city fluctuates but is extremely affordable compared to almost any other city. I paid 1000/mo for a nicer 2 bed 2 bath. Around town, a nice one bed runs in the 600-850/mo range and 2/2 runs in the 1100-1200/mo area at the nicer complexes.
My roommate and I lived where we did because we flew out of the airport so it was a quick drive for us, but if I had to do it again, I would have probably lived in a bit more of a "busier" part of town in the McPherson and Delmar area or on the north side since we found ourselves driving there when we'd go out most of the time. This area is also considered to be some of the more "higher end" part of town with nicer houses and stuff. apartments.com has been my go-to source the past 6 times I've moved, give it a look if you are shopping around.
I highly recommend picking a place with a pool and/or a grill if you're remotely interested in that sort of thing. Due to Laredo's climate the pool and grilling out are a way of life. It's also a great place to meet people.

Getting Around:
Having a vehicle is the most practical answer for Laredo, however, Uber and Lyft markets have popped up in the last few years. The bus system for the city is called El Metro. Laredo is pretty easy to get around, the only major highway is 35 which starts at the river (the Rio Grande crossing downtown) and goes to points North like SA, Austin, and Dallas. Bob Bullock Loop orbits the city to the East.
**Important Notes About Driving in Laredo*\*: Uninsured motorists are abundant meaning expect some sort of increase in your car insurance. I thought I knew how to drive until I came to Laredo. People drive fast, yellow lights mean speed up, and red lights/stop signs are optional. For some reason, drunk driving is also a very abundant thing, especially in the evenings/late night hours. I'm hoping this issue has improved since I lived there since Uber and Lyft are now a thing. Either way, stay alert, be a defensive driver, and you'll be fine.

What to do:
Many locals cite "things to do" while living in Laredo to be the toughest category to fill. Bottom line, it's a small town, however, there is something for everyone in town!
Bars:
Going out is the big thing to do in town most weekends as drinking is considered one of the biggest activities. I loved it, but I also know it's not for everyone. However, there are a wide variety of bars to pick from each having a different vibe. I've listed some of my favorites below. A lot of bars/restaurants have a DJ or band after a certain time. Bars are spread out across the city, but cluster in the McPherson/DelmaJacaman (pronounced Haca-man) area and now downtown. Bars close at 2 AM but people love to party till the sun comes up so after-parties at people’s houses are common.
Restaurants:
So many good ones that can range from cheap to expensive, but the food is good at all of them! Here is my list of local spots, but Yelp is usually a good place to check for updated options.
Activities:
https://www.facebook.com/365thingslaredo Is a great group to follow to get daily updates on things going on around Laredo.

Where to shop:
This one is a big no brainer for me personally, but HEB, the big Texas grocery chain, is the move. They have great selections (especially their meat and produce) and pretty good prices. If you want to save a bit more, Fiesta or Walmart is your only other big options that are worth a look. Laredo also has any major brick and mortar retail store Best Buy etc and a Mall with all the normal Mall stores. The outlet mall on the river is a super cool spot to I recommend doing some retail therapy at.

Where to Workout/Active Stuff:
There are all sorts of gyms between cross fit, yoga, Orange Theory, and your brick and mortar gyms (Crunch, Anytime, Golds, etc.) If you're into outdoorsy trail stuff North Central Park has a nice set of trails and Lake Casablanca State Park on the East side has some pretty good trails for the area also. If golfing is your thing there are a couple of golf courses, Casablanca Golf Course is your run of the mill Par 3 and the Laredo Country Club is the nice golf course in town. I know Laredo also has some rec sports adult leagues if you're into that like Flag football and stuff, Google should be able to help you find out more about those.

Safety and Crossing the border:
Laredo like any mid-size city has its share of crime, however, there is a very large presence of Local and State Police, DEA, FBI, and Border Patrol in the city due to its proximity to Mexico. Like any major city, lock your doors and take out any valuables in your car. The few homeless people stick to the I-35 corridor mostly. Lock your doors and windows and you'll be fine. There are sketchier parts of town the further south you go, but I never had issues as many of these people are often very humble and respectful people.
Cartels:
I remember watching the Border Wars show before I moved and thinking "Oh shit, what did I sign up for?" Cartels are simply a reality of life especially on the border, but they also exist in any major city around the world, they just happen to be a bit more prevalent in their activities at the border. They exist and have a hand in many things both in Nuevo Laredo and Laredo (businesses, politics, etc.). Like anywhere keep a street smart head, vigilant attitude, and don't hang out with the wrong types of people and you will be fine in Laredo. LADIES, please carry some sort of protection with you like mace and stay in groups when out, especially when downtown.
Crossing:
I'll start with this disclaimer that I'm a 6' white guy, so I don't blend in that well. However, I dated a girl I met at a bar who lived across in Nuevo Laredo for 10 months so I got my full share of the crossing experiences. I'm witting this during COVID times so things are a bit different atm. The crossing is an experience I could and probably should do a thread about on its own, but I'll summarize what I can here.
There are two ways to cross: 1. Driving or 2. Taking the footbridge both located downtown. I walked every time because my GF at the time would pick me up on the other side, but a word of caution. If you drive understand that having non-expired US plates and a nice car makes you a target for robbings and other non-fun stuff. I recommend getting a bank such as Charles Schwab with zero international ATM fee's and that gives you a 1:1 exchange rate when pulling out cash from an ATM, however, the border exchange places near the bridges work in a pinch. Cash is king there. If you do cross you need to at least have a remote working knowledge of the Spanish language or be with someone who does, it's amazing how different life can be across a 20-foot body of water.
I often heard stories where people crossed to go to places like Jose Frog's and other bars and shops every weekend in the ‘80s, but times have unfortunately changed since. There were relatively calm periods and today there are periods of literal war in the streets. Please ask one of the many locals that commute to Laredo daily for work if they think it is safe to cross for that day since it is truly a dynamic environment. If you work in any sort of government or law enforcement line of work, DO NOT CROSS.
If you do want to cross, understand that I recommend the following:
Looking back I was pretty reckless at times when I went across because I was with my GF, her brothers, or her family most of the time so I felt relatively safe. Please live through my experiences if you are dying to push the envelope with crossing. If you're considering a visit to "La Zona", don't. It's cool, but you can get the same experience in Vegas without the fear of being kidnapped or killed. Going out over there is super cheap, but the bars all pay a "toll" to the cartels weekly to operate. It's not out of the ordinary for Federales/Cartel to come through a packed bar with AR-15's or the cartel to kick everyone out if the business didn't pay that week. We got stopped by the cartel a few times asking why I was visiting so much. They watch the bridges 24/7, they know the second you step on their turf, and they know what you do and who you do it with. Remember that you can also easily get mixed up with the wrong people on the Laredo side of the river which is equally as dangerous. Know who your friends are!

Closing tips:
-Laredo is what you make it, if you do nothing and sit around it’s going to suck so make the best of it.
-I wish my Spanish was a bit better before I moved there. It comes in handy A TON as Spanish is the preferred language and a majority of folks speak it. Knowing it will make your life easier.
- Get one of those windshield sun shades for your car, they are a necessity in the hot weather
- Gentlemen. If your single don’t be creepy, go talk to that girl and ask her to dance! Latin culture is very cool, open, confident, and fun.
- Embrace the culture and enjoy it
- Go to a Quinceañera and a traditional Mexican wedding
- Learn how to Line Dance and Cumbia!
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2020.11.24 16:59 garistoltle Returning to Purity in Relationship

Hi all, I’ve been casually lurking on this thread for a bit and decided I wanted to get some advice on my current relationship.
A little background: My gf and I (24) met in grad school last year and from the moment we first talked I felt myself having a crush on her. I was so nervous when I was around her that it took me the first year to even muster the courage to ask her on an official date. Before we ever went on a date alone she told me she had to pray about it to ensure she was where she needed to be In her relationship with God prior to pursuing intentional dating. Fast forward a bit and now, we’ve been together almost 6 months. We’ve even had talks of our future after school in the spring and engagement/marriage!
This woman is special to me and I believe God put her in my life for a reason. I further believe God has a plan for us two because our first ever time we hung out was her taking me to our local campus Contemporary nondenominational church in which I felt an overwhelming feeling of the Holy Spirit entering me and telling me to return home. A few weeks later, I decided to get re-baptized to affirm my relationship in Christ.
All of this said, I do still struggle with temptation and hurt from my past. Prior to grad school, I had been struggling on an individual level with my understanding of my faith and had even actively turned away from it and committed sexual sins in undergrad. Before we were ever officially a couple, I told my gf that I am not a virgin out of respect and honesty to her, who has saved herself for marriage. It’s a very natural thing for humans, but I don’t want it to affect my plans for marriage or hurt my relationship with her. I felt terrible with myself, though, because as the man I felt like I should not let things progress past the points they have physically. We have not had sex, however, we have definitely crossed lines which would not be viewed as holding absolute purity. To which, I know that purity is more than “Do this, don’t do that”. I want to frame my relationship around His calling and know that sexuality is more beautiful when it’s done in the covenant of marriage.
So where are we at now? I am very open with her about my feelings and we have now established boundaries to guide us both in a God-seeking relationship both as individuals and as a couple. It is our Holiday break now so we will naturally not be around each other as much. Further, in January we will be apart for our 2-month internships prior to graduation. I think this timing is wonderful and allows us to work on truly putting in the work to be God-focused and driven while progressing our relationship together.
I love this woman a lot, and have told my family/friends I plan to propose on the “anniversary” of when I first told her I love her (this coming early September).
All this said, what sorts of advice can you provide me moving forward? I sometimes feel anxious that I have ruined something special for us by going farther than ideal, and I know I must repent and can be forgiven. I work hard to seek out Gods word in the Bible, my devotions, talking with family/my pastor. I know that she does too with how important her faith is to her. Thanks for reading my long-winded babble!
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2020.11.24 15:44 Disastrous-Kale-913 OC written description

I would like to see what types of characters people have come up with. I will give a few of mine, feel free to post yours. Be respectful and if you cant draw (like me), describe your character(s) verbally, like I do. You can write a background and how they relate to other characters if you want. Just keep it civil and within the community guidelines.
OC 1:
Name(s): Magnus Mortem, Uncle Magi.
Titles: Magnus the Magnificent, Magnus the Magician, Overlord Magnus.
Occupation(s) in life: Formally a conman, Magnus quickly saw how his schemes ruined countless lives after conning a rich widow, who took her own life because of the scheme. Magnus tried to pursue a more honorable career as a magician, and swore not to go back to his old ways, but the damage had already been done, his soul marked for Hell.
Date and cause of death: Ironically, it was not a freak accident or time's inevitable march that killed Magnus, but a con-woman, who after marrying him, stabbed him in his sleep. Has since been wary of romance, fearing betrayal, and a broken heart. 1867.
Appearance: Black Tuxedo with Purple accents, pale skin, purple eyes, when angered, the eyeball becomes black and the Iris resembles that of a reptile's. Looks like a pale human, a rarity among demons.
Abilities: A wide arrange of magical abilities and a skilled manipulator, Magnus can usually use his charisma to get out of a situation. Failing that, which is rare, he can easily take down most if not all attackers simultaneously, and can escape or break into even the most secure locations.
Personality/relationships: A Gentleman, one would think he doesn't deserve to be in hell. Often interrupts the activities of demons seeking to take advantage of others. Is charming towards those of the fairer sex, many female demons swoon over him. He does not engage in intimacy, thinking that most are just out to either use him or to gain power. He ingratiated himself to the Magnes, quickly become an extension of "the family". Is the Uncle of Charlie. Is mad at Lucifier's lack of support for Charlie's plan. Is one of the few men that Vaggie trusts. Niffty and he are polite to one another, while Husk is in awe of Magnus's drink mixing, knowledge, and consumption. Angel Dusk once tried to force himself onto Magnus, until Magnus snapped his fingers and hypnotized Angel into a shy french maid, who cleaned up Angel's room and threw out his "Contraband", much to Angel's horror. Angel has since been wary of Magnus. To add to his authenticity as a performer, Magnus has bracers the suppress a demon's magic, so that he can perform tricks without using actual power, much to the bewilderment of Vaggie, Angel, and Husk, and the joy of Charlie and Alastor. Though they appear friendly to one another, Magnus has made it clear to Alastor that if he harms Charlie in any way, Magnus will make sure he lives long enough to experience being fed to Lucifier's hellhounds. Alastor, secretly, is afraid of Magnus. Has joined the Hotel supposedly to be the resident entertainer, but really to be close to Charlie, and to keep her safe, come Hell of Holy Water...
OC 2:
Name(s): Glitch, Glitchy
Titles: Exterminator, Unit 304567
Occupation(s) in Life: Unknown
Date and Cause of death: Unknown
Appearance: A damaged Exterminator Angel, with broken horns and no halo. Wears a hooded robe to conceal his true form from the demons of hell. His LED face occasionally "glitches". Can change the display to show a smiling face, frowning face, or a confused face.
Abilities: Able to summon a wide arsenal of angel weapons, from knives to spears. Is also highly competent in hand to hand combat, and possesses enough strength to break the hands of most demons. When not hidden by his robes, Glitch's wings enable him to fly. While he has no memories of his life before being an Exterminator, Glitch has extensive knowledge of heaven, knows the designations of over 1,223,217,000 exterminator "units", including "Unit 10666", who he claims is Vaggie. Has an Eidetic memory.
Personality/relationships: Although Glitch appears naive to some, that is merely because he has not had the experience before, or a subroutine prepared for a situation. He recently became disconnected from the Exterminator network, though has harbored independent thoughts for a long time. Venerates "Unit 10666" as the first to defy the "makers" programing. Will occasionally glitch in one of two ways, either saying a word or syllable over and over again, or have his LED face turn red and launch into a speech about how he will "righteously" slay the demons of hell in the name of God, etc. Both can be "fixed" by a swift blow to the head, either delivered by himself or someone else. Glitch will apologize(or thank the individual who came to his aid), and then continue where he left off. Refers to Charlie as "Miss Charlotte" and sees her as "a true angel", and is willing to protect her no matter the cost. Is friendly towards Angel Dust, and enjoys playing pranks with him, though not if it is harmful to Vaggie or Charlie. Engages in word play with Alastor, who he sees as the ideal guide to life in hell, and Alastor has a soft spot for the fallen angel, seeing as they are both willing to make certain demons suffer (not that Alastor would admit that, ever, to anyone). Polite to "Miss Niffty" and will often ask questions to Husker, much to Huskers annoyance. Seeks the approval of Vaggie, sometimes referring to her as "sister", which angers Vaggie, who either doesn't want to, or actually doesn't, remember her time as an exterminator, if it happened at all. To avoid conflicts, Glitch will simply call her "Vaggie". Is highly protective of his "friends" and sees the yearly Extermination as wrong. Though he doesn't have faith in most demon, he has faith in Charlie, and seeks to assist and please in anyway possible (apart from intimacy).
OC 3:
Name(s): Simulare, Simon Simulare
Title(s): The Faceless Demon, The Actor, Agent Simulare, Sir Simulare
Occupation(s) in Life: An MI6 agent turned actor, Simulare was a master of disguise, deception, and leaving no evidence that he was ever there. His many clandestine missions on behalf of MI6 earned him fate in hell.
Date and Cause of Death: Retiring at an early age, his promising career as an actor is cut short when he was killed by muggers on his way home. His last thoughts in the land of the living were not of pain or anger, but of confusion, summed up with a single question, "Since when were street thugs armed with suppressed Walther P99s?". Classified.
Appearance: When not using his abilities, Simulare will appear as a pale white humanoid in a tailored suit, with no facial features, and hand have no finger prints. Has a mouth cannot be seen until it is open. While it does not open to speak, can be used for food and drink. When going into "full demon mode", his body and limbs will stretch and a maw of razor sharp teeth will open up where his "face" would be. Hands become long claws.
Abilities: While all demons technically can shape-shift, none can do it like Simulare can. He can look like anyone, and given enough time and research, can convincingly impersonate anyone, to a certain point. He cannot mimic abilities or memories, so the mentioning of private experiences can be used to determine if he is impersonating someone. That being said, if something about an individual is recorded, written down, or filmed, he will find a way to get his hands on it to make his impersonation as perfect as possible. He can also change the composition of his body, making blades of metal out of his arms, or into a liquid to move through a vent or grate. He is also armed with twin Walther P99, with the barrels engraved with the words "Manners maketh the man" and carries suppressors to compliment them. Is an expert in various forms of hand to hand combat, and is experienced in weapons, from knives to rocket launchers. Has an Eidetic Memory.
Personality/relationships: In life and in death, Simulare endeavors to keep things professional. Since his death, however, he has become increasingly paranoid, finding trusting people difficult. When Charlie approached Simulare with the invitation, he was wary, but has since warmed up to her sunny disposition. Has a respect for Vaggie, and has offered to teach her some of the things he knows about blades. Once was showing off his shapeshifting abilities the others when Angel Dust walk in on him as Valentino. Angel's subsequent panic attack led to Simulare promising to not look like Valentino again without Angel's permission or knowledge. Will occasionally assist Nifty by lifting her into hard to reach places. Appears to be unable to get drunk, enabling him to out drink even Husker, and can play any card game (he has to wear a face after beating everyone 5 times in poker, so that they might have a chance to see his tell). Is friendly to Alastor, who views him as a fellow performer. Simulare doesn't fully trust everyone, but, like with Charlie, he is opening up little by little. Despite his usually professional demeanor, Simulare is not above having fun, and will often use his shapeshifting to play harmless pranks. While technically not an Overlord, Simulare is renowned throughout Hell, a skilled assassin, spy, and infiltrator, using his abilities to get in and out of any situation before anyone knows that he was there. Despite this reputation, only a select few know that he exists and is not a rumor, having never shown his true form to anyone in Hell until now. At least, anyone alive.
submitted by Disastrous-Kale-913 to HazbinHotelFanart [link] [comments]